Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Mrs. E. has the Big C.

It almost reads likes a children's book "Mrs. E has the BIG C"!  Once upon a time Mrs. E. had a really crappy summer going to the doctor who wouldn't quit touching her chest.... on second thought never mind.
In case you didn't know Mrs. E. is my pal, and she is the type of person that makes me feel good about myself no matter how stupid I am (which is often).  Everyone needs a person who is that supportive.  I look up to Mrs. E. for many reasons, but right now I look up to her for dealing with the Big C. with grace and calmness (as opposed to me who would freak out and serenade the neighborhood like this guy).

Yep, Mrs. E has joined a very elite group of women who has, had, is being diagnosed with breast cancer.  I've learned a lot through the four people in my life who have dealt with cancer.  For some reason people think the Big C means Pity Me!  It doesn't mean that.  Yes I want your prayers for Mrs. E, I don’t want your solemn, long winded speech about how bad you feel and how God is doing this to her for reasons.  God is with us and that is the final word.

I will tell you what the Big C does mean, it means I am Woman, Hear me Roar!  It means I will fight this and win!  It means I would rather you make me laugh with a dirty joke than to pity me and make me cry!  
Don't forget Mrs. E., I’ll be your right hand man anytime you need a silent  loud silent prayers (I’ll try to be silent), a big ole’ block of chocolate, positive energy, and of course a dirty joke here and there (only if its funny).  

Soooo here are my Top 10 Reasons Cancer is a Good Thing!

10. You are teaching your children (and yourselves) what adversity, family, and Faith is all about....life skills needed and only learned through harder times.

9. Dark Chocolate and Red Wine has Cancer Fighting Antioxidants- you must eat and drink these items by the pound and gallon (only for your health of course).

8.  You love teaching science.  You will be an even better teacher now that you ARE the science- hey who doesn't love to be pushed, prodded, cut, twisted, and squeezed!? what women have to go through, sigh

7.  Think of all the pretty pink ribbon shirts, bags, and key chains you get to carry now.  I get goosebumps thinking about it.  (oh wait that only benefits me, your not a pink bow person).  Think of all the pretty pink ribbon stuff you get to watch me carry now that my friend is a breast cancer survivor!

6.  You could get The Bionic Boob installed- maybe our United Streaming Movies will quit stalling already.

5.  “I had cancer” works for anything and everything.  For example,
-Time to wash the dishes?
Nope, I had Cancer.
-You overspent the checkbook by $1000.00!!!
Sorry, I had Cancer.
-You just said my jeans makes my butt look like two pigs in a blanket!?
Did I say that?  I had Cancer.
-You just ran your car into the Super K!!!
Oopsie, I had Cancer.

4.  You have a GREAT reason to wear the ugly (yet comfortable) cotton underwear, sorry Mr. E. but the push up bra is just a dream anyway.

3.  With every woman who goes through the BIG C the medical profession learns, researches, and advances in order to help another woman diagnosed.  YOU are making a difference.  (Thank our Lord for Medical Advances and The Survivors)

2.  You now have a book called “Breast Surgery”…need I say more?
(hint. Friday Afternoon + Nutty Butty + The  Breast Surgery w. Pictures and Captions= Hysterical Laughter).

1.  I can buy you this really cool purse.  For my entertainment only.  Who thinks of these things?  Hey I can even make a couple out of my own bras, you know handbags and luggage to match!