Sunday, January 22, 2012

3 Bad (but Entertaining) Ideas for the Weekend

I think my pregnancy energy is finally running out.  I was so tired this week and weekend, but I have a newborn child sharing my body, so I think it makes sense.  I just hope Carlee is OK with a Dr. Pepper and candy bar coming her way occasionally.  The Carlee count down has begun.  I’m excited, I’m scared, I’m excited, I’m scared…..there is so much to worry about and think about and do…my mind goes between I’m ready, I AM NOT ready.  I worked nonstop last week on school work, so I was able to rest a little more these past few days.   I did have a few adventures this weekend, but PLEASE don’t try this at home.
1.      Making Chocolates for Carlee’s Baby Shower
My friend J. and I had the perfect idea for Party Favors- easy to make chocolate candies.  You just purchase the 'melt in the microwave' chocolate, the squirt bottles, and the plastic trays and WHALA!  You pop out the candy for little party favors.  We eagerly bought .99 trays with butterflies, caterpillars, and flowers to go along with the “Growing Garden” theme.  We chattered about how we might start our own party favor business one day.  We were brilliant!  
Saturday morning I think I anticipated taking maybe an hour and a half.  BAD IDEA.  Fast forward, several hours later, melted trays, chocolate candy everywhere, and a total of two molds set.  10 down and 140 more to go!  My kitchen looked like we were making a 7 course meal and all we were using was the microwave.  What were we thinking?? The chocolate was clumpy, lumpy, and it was taking a year to squirt out one flower.  J. told me chocolate making takes  1. TIME  and 2. PATIENCE . WHAT!?!  Those are the two things I am the WORST at.  There was no way I could do this.  We agreed to go to the local WALMART and throw down a 20 on some pink Valentine’s Day candy and baby shower mints.  Guess what??  It turned out really pretty!  Connor even got in on the action.  I think it took us 30 minutes to create 75 party favor bags.  That is my kind of time.  We are just so thankful it wasn’t a different holiday like Halloween or St. Patrick’s Day (because don’t think for a minute I wouldn’t have thrown in some orange,licorice pumpkins or green, marshmallow Leprechauns in those baby shower bags).

2.      Hair Mousse the Gray Away
I got my hair done, or as the young folks say ‘Got my hair did’, Friday afternoon.  It looked so much better but all I could focus on was the GRAY!  No, I am NOT exaggerating.  My vanity completely took over.  LOOK at ALLL that Gray I whined.  The hairdresser agreed I was much too young to have all that gray hair.  Note….if you are a hairdresser don’t agree with me, jeez, the next thing you will be telling me I need to lose a few pounds.  Anyway, she suggested a non-permanent, EASY, Hair Foam/Mousse that you can purchase at the beauty shop that is much healthier for pregnant women and covers gray.  I tried it about an hour before I was to join the sunday school class women for a fun night out to dinner.  BAD IDEA.  (Below is a picture of what I looked like.)  The thick, EASY, mousse turned into a runny, messy, sloppy black mess that stained my floor, my hands, and my forehead.  It also left my hair feeling like a Brillo Pad.  I rubbed my skin off with a wash cloth and 409 cleaner (it’s the only thing I had) and put my hair in a clip, but my skin was two-tone for a while. (I probably should have just stuck with my regular hair dye routine).
This isn't me, but a reenactment pic.
3.     Building a Bridge (but forgetting how it works)
I had children’s church today.  Simple  idea I had was to make a bridge with a piece of paper.  Therefore, I bended, folded, and shaped it to hold up a match box car.  We have to allow God to bend, mold, and shape us.  It worked perfect last night.  This morning, in church, this is what it kept doing.    BAD IDEA or BAD execution.
Whyyyyy won’t it hold up the car?  The kids were  on to me….what the crap are you doing!?! Let’s just say, I forgot a small part…turn the paper in a different direction.  I mean how am I supposed to remember all these complex details? Turn the paper.
I tried to redeem my self later, but I’m not sure I did.  It’s OK, I poured them all a red soda drink after the story. (see my white shirt, another great idea).

Yes, all of the above were very BAD ideas, but you don’t know they are bad until you try them.  I can honestly say, I wouldn’t have it any other way because all three situations were really funny and life is too short to get it right all the time (perfect people are so totally boring).

Friday, January 6, 2012

Let's (not) Talk About S-R-X.

Back to work this week!  Good-bye Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year.... and hello long boring months of being broke and cold.  Actually for me, it is a countdown because it looks like baby Carlee will be arriving around early March, which means I better kick butt to get all things wrapped up at work.  I'm huge, I literally feel like the Marshmallow Man attacking the town in Ghostbusters. 

 I nearly knocked down two kids with my girth this week.   To Mamas it doesn’t matter about the pregnancy because we love our babies from day one, stretch marks and all!
This morning I praised God for things that seem to be coming together, baby shower plans are made, my sick leave collected, the nursery is put together (thanks to my very good husband), we have all been healthy, and  Connor is reading more and he stayed on green light this week (i.e. Good behavior), and I cleaned the house.  It’s as if I have the Good Mother Badge this week. 
Things were going well, beautiful day, Friday afternoon, Connor and I are walking to the car at the end of the school day, and this is how the conversation went:
C.: Whatever you do don’t say S-R-X mom.
Me: What does S-R-X mean?
C: You know S-R-X, spells Sex.
WHAMO. My heart starts beating at a very quick rate.

Me: (cough) Do you know what that word means?
C: It means that two people go to bed and kiss all over each other.
Me: Where on earth did you hear that!?!?  (My voice is two octaves way too high).  Did you hear that at school??  Where did you hear that??
C: Don’t be mad.  I saw Hot Girls on TV. 
Me: WHAT!?!   (I probably sounded like Peewee Herman on Helium)
C:  I saw it on a video game and my friend’s Facebook.
Me: WHAT!?!   We don’t even own video games!?!  You don’t have a friend with Facebook.
C: I just heard it.  Don’t tell dad.
6 YEARS OLD!!!!!!!!  In two seconds, my son had just summed up the problem with America:
People who can’t even spell  S-R-X already know  how to get the process started.
Oh MAN, How do I handle this?  (Salt N Pepa made it look so easy)
My options:
a.        Repeat what would happen in my house as a youth where I get the crap beat out of me and told never to say that again or I would pay.
b.       Be a cool mom and talk about the birds and the bees and free love and open communication about S-R-X.  (Since my whole stance is DON’T EVEN THINK IT, this option isn’t going to work.)
c.       Wing it.
I figured out that C. didn’t have any more information about S-R-X (thank Goodness), and he had pieced together some things he saw on commercials with talk from an older child.  Like a moth to a flame, that is my Connor to inappropriate content. ( GeeZ, this whole parenting thing is hard.)  His teacher , mother, and father repeat concepts day in and day out he can’t catch nearly as quickly as a two-minute segment of two people making out and two boys talking.  Even though our TV watching is truly rated G, I have figured all it takes is one overheard segment on Entertainment Television, reality TV, or even some Disney Channel content….and one can learn a lot more than one needs to know.  Most kids don’t pay attention, but lucky ME I get a strong willed child who gravitates toward the inappropriate.
I did tell his dad after all, really because I wanted him to share in my agony.... and he did.  We have already set C. down and talked to him about good talk (monster trucks, dogs, etc.) and bad talk (S-R-X, bad words, sassy language) and what happens when you bad talk and what happens if we find out about it (see option A above) and so forth, etc., etc..
So basically this is how my weekend has started.  I officially lost the Good Mother Badge hours ago, but I didn’t think it would last too long.  I guess I’ll get up, drink my coffee, and try this whole parenting thing again in the morning.
For the rest of you, have a good weekend and remember-  No S-R-X, is Safe S-R-X!

besides you don't want to look like this

Sunday, January 1, 2012

New Year 2012

It’s 2012!  Happy New Year Everyone!!
For me 2011 brought…..
-C. starting kindergarten
-me entering my 10th year as a teacher
-celebrating nine years of marriage
-finding out we were +1 more in the S. family
-starting this blog
I think it has been a great year, and I continue to be inspired by so many around me that have dealt with sickness, financial strain, and loss; but they continue to be resilient and profess their joy and faith daily!

I am most definitely a goal setter. So this year my New Year’s Resolutions include:
1.  Eat Healthier (I never quite achieve this one…the effort it takes to make good choices takes time and energy that I can never accomplish, see goal #2)
2. Understand Limitations.  I always agree to take on what I view as small responsibilities that add up to large amounts of stress.  I always go above and beyond on projects instead of creating balance for myself.
3.Devote more time in scripture/ prayer weekly.  Less media time.
4.      Quit saying Bad Words. (ok before you think I’m Howard Stern, I just tend to use a few words when EXTREMELY frustrated and alone, but my goal is to substitute…maybe I can sing when I am extremely frustrated.  Also, bad words at our house include stupid, shut up, etc.  Besides its amazing how Connor seems to hear me two rooms away when he can otherwise never hear me).
It always looks so nice in a list, but with 2012 bringing so many changes for me (not to mention the Mayans may take over the world with the Scientologist or something) my list of Resolutions may change especially number 4 (I am just kidding, for you nonjokers).  Which brings me to my FINAL resolution…
5.Stop trying to control the situation and ‘cast my cares to the Lord’ (Psalm 55)
So those are my 5 resolutions that show that I am perfectly imperfect (as if you didn't know).  Would love to hear your resolutions for 2012…if you dare.