Friday, January 6, 2012

Let's (not) Talk About S-R-X.

Back to work this week!  Good-bye Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year.... and hello long boring months of being broke and cold.  Actually for me, it is a countdown because it looks like baby Carlee will be arriving around early March, which means I better kick butt to get all things wrapped up at work.  I'm huge, I literally feel like the Marshmallow Man attacking the town in Ghostbusters. 

 I nearly knocked down two kids with my girth this week.   To Mamas it doesn’t matter about the pregnancy because we love our babies from day one, stretch marks and all!
This morning I praised God for things that seem to be coming together, baby shower plans are made, my sick leave collected, the nursery is put together (thanks to my very good husband), we have all been healthy, and  Connor is reading more and he stayed on green light this week (i.e. Good behavior), and I cleaned the house.  It’s as if I have the Good Mother Badge this week. 
Things were going well, beautiful day, Friday afternoon, Connor and I are walking to the car at the end of the school day, and this is how the conversation went:
C.: Whatever you do don’t say S-R-X mom.
Me: What does S-R-X mean?
C: You know S-R-X, spells Sex.
WHAMO. My heart starts beating at a very quick rate.

Me: (cough) Do you know what that word means?
C: It means that two people go to bed and kiss all over each other.
Me: Where on earth did you hear that!?!?  (My voice is two octaves way too high).  Did you hear that at school??  Where did you hear that??
C: Don’t be mad.  I saw Hot Girls on TV. 
Me: WHAT!?!   (I probably sounded like Peewee Herman on Helium)
C:  I saw it on a video game and my friend’s Facebook.
Me: WHAT!?!   We don’t even own video games!?!  You don’t have a friend with Facebook.
C: I just heard it.  Don’t tell dad.
6 YEARS OLD!!!!!!!!  In two seconds, my son had just summed up the problem with America:
People who can’t even spell  S-R-X already know  how to get the process started.
Oh MAN, How do I handle this?  (Salt N Pepa made it look so easy)
My options:
a.        Repeat what would happen in my house as a youth where I get the crap beat out of me and told never to say that again or I would pay.
b.       Be a cool mom and talk about the birds and the bees and free love and open communication about S-R-X.  (Since my whole stance is DON’T EVEN THINK IT, this option isn’t going to work.)
c.       Wing it.
I figured out that C. didn’t have any more information about S-R-X (thank Goodness), and he had pieced together some things he saw on commercials with talk from an older child.  Like a moth to a flame, that is my Connor to inappropriate content. ( GeeZ, this whole parenting thing is hard.)  His teacher , mother, and father repeat concepts day in and day out he can’t catch nearly as quickly as a two-minute segment of two people making out and two boys talking.  Even though our TV watching is truly rated G, I have figured all it takes is one overheard segment on Entertainment Television, reality TV, or even some Disney Channel content….and one can learn a lot more than one needs to know.  Most kids don’t pay attention, but lucky ME I get a strong willed child who gravitates toward the inappropriate.
I did tell his dad after all, really because I wanted him to share in my agony.... and he did.  We have already set C. down and talked to him about good talk (monster trucks, dogs, etc.) and bad talk (S-R-X, bad words, sassy language) and what happens when you bad talk and what happens if we find out about it (see option A above) and so forth, etc., etc..
So basically this is how my weekend has started.  I officially lost the Good Mother Badge hours ago, but I didn’t think it would last too long.  I guess I’ll get up, drink my coffee, and try this whole parenting thing again in the morning.
For the rest of you, have a good weekend and remember-  No S-R-X, is Safe S-R-X!

besides you don't want to look like this


  1. HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. You won't think so in a couple of years when your little Leftwich is sharing all of his "knowledge" with the whole kindergarten. I hope I was able to stop it before anymore conversation is started. ha. ha.