Dear Fall, Why is Your Visit so Short?

What is this???  We wake up and we feel the frigid cold hit our noses, we need a thick jacket to go outside, and we have to bring out the super fuzzy socks and mittens!?! 

So Long Fall, (weep) like my size 6 waist... I loved you while you were here, your visit was tooooo short!

and the Stork is bringing...........

This week has been exciting...looks like we are having a GIRL!  If the ultrasound picture is correct, the Sechrist family will be balanced out at last.  Even Connor seems happy, he has picked out a perfect name "PRINCESS CUPCAKE SECHRIST".  (I'm just jealous it isn't my name).  As you know I am super excited about the addition of a few girl things to takeover the snakes, lizards, wrestlers, and monster trucks at my house.  SO I'm getting visions of......

But we all know children have minds of their own...so I may be looking at visions of.....

Hey, if I'm the only with a crown, I can cope with that! :)

I am so Blessed to have people that have prayed over me and our family.  Although, I have gotten some worrisome doctor reports, things so far look good.  Sometimes the hardest part is keeping FAITH that everything will work out.  Still, I'm looking forward to a great Adventure.  

Unwelcome Visitor

anxiety crept into my house uninvited last night

its spindly fingers wrapping itself around me

keeping my tired mind awake torturing me with what if

what if

what if

What if I made the wrong decision? What if my children make the wrong choices? What if there isn’t enough money? What if Darren gets sick? What if we are in a car wreck? What if the unemployed doesn't get better? What if the elders don't get their medicine? What if my students don’t meet their benchmarks? What if they are hungry or sad right now? What if I forget what I’m suppose to do? What if I get cancer? What if there is a serial killer stalking the house right now?  What if I’m going insane right now? What if my children rob banks for a living? What if we lose our jobs? What if I have complications while pregnant? What if I never find decent childcare? What if Connor is stolen? What IF, What IF, What IF???

anxiety and I perform this terrible show where the script is just one awful rerun

i try to think of all that is positive and good and nice and I pray

i drift off to sleep because the Anxiety has gone to bother some other innocent person

the alarm buzzes in my ear like a dynamite blast and it’s time to face the day

and I feel tired all over again

TOP 5 WORST Church Ideas EVER

Hello Blog Readers.  It is such a beautiful day; I’m torn between going out and doing something productive or hiding with a novel in my room for as long as possible.  I love when both decisions are a Win-Win.  Today was great at church.  Lots of wonderful people letting me know they are praying for me and thinking of me through this pregnancy.  It feels good to be cared about. 

Today I missed preaching because I worked the nursery for ages 3-6.  I work with children a lot at church because I enjoy it and I’m good with children.  Let’s face it I don’t have the skill to be on the building, financial, cooking, or organizing committee(s).  This morning was a HOOT with the youngsters, which gave me inspiration for today’s blog- TOP 5 WORST Church Ideas EVER.

To set the background, one of my strengths is that I am an enthusiastic risk taker!  You want me to try a new idea, stand out from the crowd, do a skit, lead a cheer, and be wild and crazy… I’m your Girl!  The downside is also my WEAKNESS, I’m a risk taker that sometimes lacks common sense.  Since age 18 I have been a member of two churches and visited a third for about a year in between.  During those times I’ve worked a LOT of jobs between VBS, youth trips, children’s message, sunday classes, etc.  Below are the top FIVE (not so planned) ideas I had for church that went a little… well... just BAD quickly.  

1.  Candy Haunted House (today’s inspiration)

The picture on the box.



It’s Halloween Time so of course I saw this cute, fun, haunted, candy house. The kids will love creating it, I will love it, it will be fun fellowship, and the preacher’s wife gave me the GREAT idea to teach the children about different houses and how we act in God’s House.  I thought it to be a perfect recipe for a great church lesson.

 

So we spoke of Fun Houses, Our Houses, School Houses, Bouncy Houses, Haunted Houses, and God’s House.  In God’s House…we keep our church clean, we don’t run, or yell, or fight, we listen/learn to God’s word, etc.  It was a great lesson, except for the activity afterward included all the things we SHOULDN'T DO in church.  I will also add I didn’t read all the directions about mixing the icing, so it tended to be a little (a lot) runny, messy, yucky… (see picture below)….


Warning- Images are actually worse than they appear. lol.

Need I write anymore?  The haunted house was a disaster that lasted all of five minutes, and the children (with beautiful church clothing) left with icing on their shirts and too much sugar in their bellies. It also left me with 40 minutes where I scrambled for things to do in order to entertain the EXCITED, LOUD, sugar induced group.  I think the little nursery next door was scared of what was happening behind our door (and with good reason).    

Did I mention I forgot paper towels??  Yes people I see it wasn’t thought out clearly.

2. BAD Children’s Church Messages

As part of the children’s message I typically take an object or skit and before the children (and adults) I make a metaphor of how that compares to biblical teachings.  Some ideas include (but not limited to)....

A. the time I needed suntan lotion/SPF to show “God’s Protection”, so I grabbed the tanning lotion I used  (in my 20s) with “tingle”.  I found an image of the bottle online.



First, note the big MARIJUANA LEAF on the bottle- Hemp Body Lotion.  Of course I didn’t notice.  Second, when I rubbed it all over my face no one understood what I was saying because I broke into RED HIVES which lasted the whole Sunday even after two showers (and I mean it was RED and Burning, I had to leave church early). BTW- I no longer tan.

b. the time I did a magic trick, to show Satan’s trickery.  Guess what the kids learned?   Satan isn’t that crafty because the magic trick never worked... no matter how many times I tried it in front of the WHOLE church.

c. the time I threw myself across the dry slip n’ slide in church (and I’m not a skinny girl).  I think I still have hip problems from that day, and who knows about the poor church floor???

3.  Mispronunciations

If your going to teach a group of children or teenagers, please double check and make sure you know what you’re talking about.  There are so many examples of this for me, but these are the top three.

a.  I taught the story of Samson to male youth, teenagers.  Samson, the man whom God gave superpowerful strength.  I called him Samsonite the whole LESSON.   Hey, what’s the big deal, one was a man in the Bible and one is a set of name brand suitcases/luggage….not much of a difference at all.

b. The time I continually called disciples…disciplines.  All of Jesus disciplines followed Him.  All of the disciplines sat in the boat.  The 12 Disciplines were….. (at least that was closer than Samsonite).

His muscles distracted me from his real name.

c.  Did you know Mark and Luke were two of the 12 Disciplines Disciples?  Neither did Jesus, seeing as how it isn’t written in the Bible, but I unknowingly taught the wrong information to a group of children about ten years ago.

4. Reading a Book you DIDN'T PREVIEW First

I remember purchasing a book, Dear God, What Would You Do?,  at a very good price.  The back of the book read like it was a very kid friendly (ages 5-10) about "today’s issues”.  The theme of the Sunday school lesson was about making good decisions and so I thought the book would work great. 
Of course I didn’t realize God would be answering questions about sex, homosexuality, death, alchol, and drug abuse.  No matter where you stand on these issues, I do not find them appropriate for ages 5-10…and I certainly feel every family has the right to approach these in their own sensitive way.  I quickly recovered and moved on, but I found myself in hot water for a few minutes.  The only person that learned about BAD decisions was ME.

5. Serving Grape Juice

If you wanted to talk about Jesus’ first miracle (turning water to wine) to a VBS group of 60 children between the ages of 2-12, what would you do?? 



Hey I know, I will pour 60 small shot glasses of grape juice and give them out so that they can stain their clothing, the church pews, carpet, and it will make them so WILD they will ignore everything I say while they throw their cups in the floor!  (I’m not sure those who help CLEAN the church have forgiven me yet.)

I would end by saying DON”T DO THIS…But I’m pretty sure most people are too smart to even think of doing it anyway.   Happy Sunday and Happy Risk Taking!

P.M.S. (PERFECT MOTHER SYNDROME)

I am 18 weeks pregnant this week and the time keeps flying by….I don’t get to slow down much or worry or think as much as I did when pregnant with Connor, life doesn’t allow it and neither does Connor.   In two weeks I have another doctor’s appointment to find out the sex, and we are all very excited.  Connor really has his fingers crossed for a baby brother.

Motherhood brings a lot of unexpected things (exciting and confusing), but one of the things that was most unexpected for me (and most annoying) happens to be the onset of women with PMS.  That’s right….P.M.S. (Perfect Mother Syndrome).    I’m telling you that the PMSers came out of the woodwork from day one.  “I never ate that…I never went to that doctor…I always exercised daily when I was pregnant” and blah, blah, blah.

Now deep down I believe most of these women truly mean no harm, and are not intentionally trying to make me feel like a terrible person who should be featured on Teen Moms, but they still get on my nerves all the same.  Please don’t misunderstand, I believe we should be proud of our children, raise them up,  and brag on them at times.  But There Are Rules.  Make sure it is an APPROPRIATE time to brag or give advice, and if the other mother starts a sentence with “I’m worried…He/She is driving me crazy….We are trying….” please don’t choose that time to tell us Little Johnny was chosen as the state finalist for Overachieving Perfect Children of USA.

Examples of inappropriate times to brag or give advice-

Sorry he is a little wild tonight, he just had two cookies.  PMSers:  Oh I NEVER feed my children sugar day or night, I would never be that irresponsible, it’s only organic food for us.  Also, you need to discipline him a lot better, I have a plan that works.....

I always have trouble with my child sleeping.  PMSers:  That is because you haven’t put your child on schedule.  I put Tommie down four times a day and at 7:30 for all night, our schedule is planned within an inch of our life, we never STRAY from the schedule and neither should you.  It’s in ALL the books the good mothers read.

He is having a little trouble learning his information this week.  PMSers:  Oh little Billy is reading on an 8^th grade level.   When he was born he knew his alphabet.  He is so gifted.  Just last night for fun, Billy read the entire book of Genius then created an entire puppet show based on the Bible using milk cartons, a crayon, and three rubber bands.

We are trying to teach the true meaning of Christmas but sometimes the excitement of it all makes her lose focus on the True Meaning.  PMSers- We never have that problem, we have raised our children properly.   Little Tara gave all her toys away in the name of Jesus, and then donated blood on Christmas morning because it simply wasn’t enough.

I think Christy is failing math.  PMSers:  Education is first and foremost at our house.  We do not allow anything to come between our child and education; they have already been accepted to Yale and will intern at International Intelligence for the summer while learning four other languages.

I’m worried about Donnie’s future.  He is really struggling with making decisions about his future.  PMSers:   We are so lucky, Bill has already mapped out his entire future on the computer and has checked off each goal met….his principal told me he wishes he could clone Bill because all the other kids are worthless in comparison.

Hey I admit it…maybe jealously plays a small role in my approach to the PERFECT MOTHER because who wouldn’t feel less as a parent in comparison to a child that learns Mandarin, while learning violin, and knows how to read Shakespeare all at the age of four. 

But in the end….we don’t need the PMSers or the PCSers (Perfect Children Syndrome) because as you can see below our family may be underachievers in comparison to soooo many... but so what???   We are underachievers with personality!

Video Reporting News Channel 12 on Karate Kid (we love to stay in and watch movies while other kids learn their multiplication tables or paint a mural of the Mona Lisa).

(Overlooking the exotic dance part), I see a TALENTED PERSONALITY...I'm sure all the Perfect Mothers are really jealous right now.  :)

Strep Throat (and The Black Swan)

Sickness has fallen upon our household.  For the first time in his life Connor has strep throat causing him a lot of stomach trouble.  I thought his appendix needed to be taken out the way he cried.  I don’t think he realized what was happening.  It is so awful to be sick, and I am so glad it’s temporary.  I have been doomed with ANOTHER sinus infection.  My lovely allergies have made sure that I have a sinus infection every three or four months….so I’m use to it.  It’s all part of my 'nerd'nes, I’m allergic to everything.  But the part where it feels like an elephant is lying on my face is kind of uncomfortable.  Darren is the lucky one because he never, ever gets sick.

So us two sickos have been stuck at home with little energy.  We have been catching up on some television time.  I’m not trying to be negative but if I have to watch one more episode of The Fresh Beat Band 

Peppy times 1,000!!!

I’m throwing the TV out of the house, and that includes the Moose A. Moose between shows…. who constantly talks about the dang dog Bruce who you shouldn’t pet unless you ask for permission (we get it ALREADY).  I swear I can write better children’s programming for a lot more than what I’m getting paid now.  Luckily C. fell asleep for a few hours, and thanks to the XXL Sprite I just drank…I can’t sleep.  I decided to catch up on some of my movie watching. 

I noticed that The Black Swan is on HBO this month.  This movie got rave reviews and I love ballet and Natalie Portman…so a win-win.  The premise is about a talented ballerina who is challenged to play both an angelic white swan and an evil black swan in an adaptation of Swan Lake. 

Nina from the movie Black Swan

So after the first five minutes I realized I needed to be the type of person that drinks cappuccino, quotes Thoreau, and wears a hat like this

You know the "DEEP" type

because I didn’t know what in the toe shoes was going on with this movie???  I  just wasn’t into an eighty five pound ballerina who peels back her own skin, who works with a perverted director, plays mind games with the studio hoochie mama,  and who lives at home with an even more psycho mother. Now I thought if someone gave that girl a cheeseburger she would be A-OK and dance beautifully, (it’s my answer to everything), but now I see that she is ummm...bird flu crazy.  

I found myself Googling the meaning of the movie while I was watching it (which is a bad sign), but apparently The Black Swan is a creative psychological thriller about how one dedicates and gives themselves up for their ART. 

Lord, bring back MOOSE A MOOSE!!!  When she kept pulling feathers off of herself,  I knew she had more Red Bull stash than I had in order to watch the ending. 

Don't mind me, I'm growing a few black feathers.

I mean she literally turned into a black swan (but it was really in her mind, get it??).   So basically this is what her inner metamorphosis looks like- 

The Black Swan at Last!  coo coo crazy, but beautiful

As I type this creative blog I find myself giving over to the art of blogging…that's right PEOPLE I’m giving over to the alchemical Great Work, the occult path to illumination……..I just looked in the mirror and this is what my inner metamorphosis looks like…

How did I guess I wasn’t going to be a beautiful swan?