One Minute

One Minute of Connor

One Minute of Carlee

Beauty and the Wrestlin' Beast

Video Analysis:

A. Note the Pampered Princess whose shade must not be disturbed.

B.  Relief that Connor did verbalize “I’m going to drown you into a piece of shark”; he has been known to try to slip in another sh word.

C.  After two hours of watching Alligator Wrestlin’ by the pool I was ready to say the sh word.

D.  Do I see a reality show entitled ‘Gator Racers’ or ‘Hillbilly Hills’ in my son’s future?
E.  He did say 'thank you for asking', the ever polite rastler'.

E.  Speaking of reality shows, I see us as good candidates for Toddlers and Tiaras…bring on the tanning bed and fake teeth!

F.  While princess slept in the shade I had to participate in PoolMANIA. Connor tried to name me The Whaler with the signature move- Belly Flop.   I refused to be his tag team partner if that had to be my name.  I was renamed Mermilla and my signature move was the graceful, yet beautiful- Fin Kick.  Connor was The Piranha and his signature move was- The Bite Splash.   We fought the Electric Eels.  My bathing suit protected us from the electricity.

  THANK GOODNESS there is no known footage of this and I apologize in advance to any unemployed neighbors who had to watch us.

P.M.S. (PERFECT MOTHER SYNDROME)

I am 18 weeks pregnant this week and the time keeps flying by….I don’t get to slow down much or worry or think as much as I did when pregnant with Connor, life doesn’t allow it and neither does Connor.   In two weeks I have another doctor’s appointment to find out the sex, and we are all very excited.  Connor really has his fingers crossed for a baby brother.

Motherhood brings a lot of unexpected things (exciting and confusing), but one of the things that was most unexpected for me (and most annoying) happens to be the onset of women with PMS.  That’s right….P.M.S. (Perfect Mother Syndrome).    I’m telling you that the PMSers came out of the woodwork from day one.  “I never ate that…I never went to that doctor…I always exercised daily when I was pregnant” and blah, blah, blah.

Now deep down I believe most of these women truly mean no harm, and are not intentionally trying to make me feel like a terrible person who should be featured on Teen Moms, but they still get on my nerves all the same.  Please don’t misunderstand, I believe we should be proud of our children, raise them up,  and brag on them at times.  But There Are Rules.  Make sure it is an APPROPRIATE time to brag or give advice, and if the other mother starts a sentence with “I’m worried…He/She is driving me crazy….We are trying….” please don’t choose that time to tell us Little Johnny was chosen as the state finalist for Overachieving Perfect Children of USA.

Examples of inappropriate times to brag or give advice-

Sorry he is a little wild tonight, he just had two cookies.  PMSers:  Oh I NEVER feed my children sugar day or night, I would never be that irresponsible, it’s only organic food for us.  Also, you need to discipline him a lot better, I have a plan that works.....

I always have trouble with my child sleeping.  PMSers:  That is because you haven’t put your child on schedule.  I put Tommie down four times a day and at 7:30 for all night, our schedule is planned within an inch of our life, we never STRAY from the schedule and neither should you.  It’s in ALL the books the good mothers read.

He is having a little trouble learning his information this week.  PMSers:  Oh little Billy is reading on an 8^th grade level.   When he was born he knew his alphabet.  He is so gifted.  Just last night for fun, Billy read the entire book of Genius then created an entire puppet show based on the Bible using milk cartons, a crayon, and three rubber bands.

We are trying to teach the true meaning of Christmas but sometimes the excitement of it all makes her lose focus on the True Meaning.  PMSers- We never have that problem, we have raised our children properly.   Little Tara gave all her toys away in the name of Jesus, and then donated blood on Christmas morning because it simply wasn’t enough.

I think Christy is failing math.  PMSers:  Education is first and foremost at our house.  We do not allow anything to come between our child and education; they have already been accepted to Yale and will intern at International Intelligence for the summer while learning four other languages.

I’m worried about Donnie’s future.  He is really struggling with making decisions about his future.  PMSers:   We are so lucky, Bill has already mapped out his entire future on the computer and has checked off each goal met….his principal told me he wishes he could clone Bill because all the other kids are worthless in comparison.

Hey I admit it…maybe jealously plays a small role in my approach to the PERFECT MOTHER because who wouldn’t feel less as a parent in comparison to a child that learns Mandarin, while learning violin, and knows how to read Shakespeare all at the age of four. 

But in the end….we don’t need the PMSers or the PCSers (Perfect Children Syndrome) because as you can see below our family may be underachievers in comparison to soooo many... but so what???   We are underachievers with personality!

Video Reporting News Channel 12 on Karate Kid (we love to stay in and watch movies while other kids learn their multiplication tables or paint a mural of the Mona Lisa).

(Overlooking the exotic dance part), I see a TALENTED PERSONALITY...I'm sure all the Perfect Mothers are really jealous right now.  :)

World's Worst Criminal??

So as I many of my friends know....a couple of weeks back I found my VERY expensive and VERY precious camera on the deck ALL night long from a very long and hard rain.  Basically the camera does not work half the time.  Of course after interrogating my son about it he swore up and down HE never took the camera on the deck and he doesn't know anything about it.  Perhaps it was dad (way tooo tight to place an expensive camera outside), perhaps it was the dog (no way could his paws do it),  perhaps it was YOU mom (OK this could really be a possibility, I am losing my mind these days).  Imagine my surprise when I finally pulled the memory card today and there was a VERY incriminating video.  Needless to say, my son is the World's Worst Criminal.  

Exhibit A- The defendant was last seen with my camera on THE DECK.  Guilty as charged. (never underestimate a mom's investigative skills)!