Saturday, April 28, 2012

The Many Faces of Carlee A.

"What do you plan to do with that thing doctor? no. seriously."

"You think I'm a fool?  I know this thing doesn't give me food....Melting Down in 3...2...1...."

"DO NOT DISTURB this Princess or you will pay (I don't care if you do have a white horse)."

"It is so tiresome being cute ALL day, I don't know how I'm going to pull the overtime."

"If someone doesn't get me out of this Bleeping Bumbo seat I am puking in 3...2...1...."

"...And then she said her sugar daddy got her those pacies....GIRL,  I could tell her pacifiers were silicon from a mile away...."

"Pick me UP or the FROG GETS IT!!!"

"Tell me more! Mom your stories are sooooo entertaining, you really have me hanging onto every word." 


"Now Daddy, lets keep it real, you KNOW I have more hair than you, quit playing."

"What do you mean I'm related to him??  For REAL?  like my brother for LIFE!?"

"You guys crack me up, no really, you all ARE totally nuts....LMDO (laugh my diaper off)."

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Why I'll never write a HOW TO PARENT book

This week my kids don’t like me.
So I have figured out apparently ‘end of year’ means ‘I don’t have to do a thing because I’m burned out’ in my six year old’s mind, and apparently my baby figured out who her family is now. 
Please don’t misunderstand this post, I love my family, my children are Beautiful Blessings, I would do anything for them…I like them just great……………it’s just that they don’t like me this week. 
If only life were like a commercial…the cute little boy spills his juice, mom swipes it up in two seconds with a super absorbent Bounty towel (not the whole roll like me), and they hug and laugh the rest of the day.  Or a Huggies commercial where the baby giggles and coos into her mother’s eyes while wearing super absorbent diapers!  Maybe I need something super absorbent.
This week I could make a commercial for anti-anxiety drugs.  Just picture it (if you will)...The cute little boy with big blue eyes comes bounding into the house with a note from school that says he is "a bit unmotivated", aka. doing nothing all day long, his parents ground him from all wrestling and television, he stomps his little foot and runs up the stairs to slam the door and screams he is NEVER SPEAKING TO YOU AGAIN and  PLANS TO RUN AWAY FROM HOME and WE ARE UNFAIR!  Then picture a sweet little baby with big cherub cheeks.   You pick her up to sing a soft lullaby….(camera zooms in) and she pukes all over you and screams bloody murder. 
Man, am I good or what?!?   I smell a second job as commercial writer.  Why stop at drugs??  I could sell alcohol, bus rides to California, abstinence, and lotto tickets with that commercial!!!
Just to recap the week-
Carlee’s response to me feeding-
Carlee’s response to rocking-
Carlee’s response to sweet talk-
Carlee’s response to baby massage-
Carlee’s response to changing-
Connor’s response to helping with homework-
Sassy mouth
Connor’s response to dinner-
Sassy mouth
Connor’s response to bedtime-
Sassy mouth
Connor’s response to getting ready for school-
Sassy mouth
Connor’s response to punishment-
Sassy mouth
We are actually doing a parenting study in Sunday School that encourages tells us to look toward the scriptures with our parenting.  Due to a lack of sleep I couldn’t find the bible scriptures that speak about sassy mouth, so I just open it up and tell Connor the bible says ‘thou shall not sassy mouth! God says'.  (I may need to work on my technique.)
Two questions I always get when I go out- 1.  Is Carlee a good baby?  2.  Is Connor enjoying the baby?  People really don’t want to hear the answer to those questions.  They look at you like you are a two headed monster if you answer truthfully….so I lie... yes she is good, yes Connor enjoys her, yes life is a sunny commercial.   What does being a good baby mean anyway?  One who massages your feet and brings you caviar on a platter. And how is a six year old suppose to enjoy a baby whose world consists of changing, feeding, and rocking??  It’s not like they can wrestle and play football together.   

Well we all know I love a challenge, and parenting brings challenges, so maybe next week we can be a better commercial.
On the plus side, I made steak and heated frozen French fries for dinner the other night, so I think my husband likes me.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Free Time

I have been hard at work.

As you can see, I have been very busy writing Thank You Notes for all the wonderful gifts given to Carlee.  I am about 10 thank you notes shy from being complete (that is not symbolic or a metaphor people).    I think note writing is a lost art, and I think my first five were written beautifully.  However, at this point I am lucky if most of my notes 1. make sense and 2. don’t have ‘riddiclous’ spelling mistakes.
my hand hurts
Not only do I need to complete my thank you notes, I also need to start planning this year’s Vacation Bible School, and finish laundry, etc.  I like to joke we are getting high at church this year because our theme is Sky.  (It is important to know some people don’t find that funny in church.)
Must Get Prepared
Currently I am what you call in some countries 'muy flojos' (I think that means ‘very lazy’ in Spanish because that is what my Spanish teacher said to me a lot in highschool). 

Instead of working, I decided to take a nice, long bubble bath
It takes a few minutes to adjust, but I love the bath pillow!
and finally read some of these books.

This one started a little on to the next book for now....

A bit predictable, but I love Mary Balogh, and the heroine doesn't have baby spit up on her shirt.
(It is also important to know that when one wants to relax you should never read anything too thought provoking.)
You may ask, Amanda Dear, how do you get to relax in a bathtub and read a book with a new baby???
Well the answer is this:

Who needs lullabies when you have a blow dryer?
Some crazy person filmed themselves using a blow dryer (white noise) for a half hour, and another crazy person (me) looked it up on YouTube. I placed the computer by her head, and this had Carlee snoozing like a….well like a…baby.  YES. My brilliant mind at hard work again.  Score one for mom and zero for screaming baby (at least until 2:00am).

dreaming of being the United States President with
good hair and even better styling products

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Time Out

Week 1:   Oh this is nice.  I’m going to have so much fun staying home with the baby and I can reorganize my closet, finish my thank you notes, and relax.

Week 2:   Ok, a little sleep deprived and low energy, I’ll just sit here on the couch and try to make it through.  I’ll catch up later.

Week 3:  I can’t remember my last name……did I brush my teeth or shower today??  Do I have another child, where is he?  I hope I don’t forget to pick him up again.

Week 4:  must…have…..caffeine.  I think I’m going a little insane.  These four walls are caving in on me.  What month and year is this??  Why won’t this baby stop crying!?!  Why won’t Connor quit jumping off the top rope otherwise known as the couch!?!

That is pretty much how my thought process has been the last few weeks.  I think my sweet Carlee has a touch of the colic.   Pajamas, the remote, and Facebook have been permanent fixtures in my life.  I’m seriously telling you my brain is rotting but I’m too tired to look away.  I’m telling you daytime TV may be causing the downfall of society but I just watch, and watch, and watch:

My Crazy Obsession (is an obsession with wigs really a bad thing, I could love my 27 types of Dolly Parton wigs too!), Biography ( I didn’t know that Ricky Martin was in Menudo and that he dated a woman for 14 years??),  Real Housewives of  Beverly Hills, Orange County, Atlanta, New York, New Jersey, El Paso, Cana…etc. etc. etc.  (It really should be called The Fake Boobs belonging to the Housewives of ----------), Dance Moms/ Toddlers and Tiaras (hey I’m a good mom after all.  I don’t dress my daughter half naked and parade her around like a stripper, good for me.), Who the (Bleep) did I Marry? (oh crap, I hope Darren isn’t leading a double life, he was 15 minutes late from work yesterday!  Who am I kidding, he lost his wallet three times this month, he could never keep up with another family!?), I Almost Got Away With It (what is that noise…oh crap is someone coming after me, am I a goner while watching daytime TV??), House (how are they ever going to solve this breathtaking, questioning, crazy illness in one hour!?!?  All the stress, I think I feel weird, my throat is hurting, I have a rash….), Days of Our Lives (I love John Black/ Roman because he is such an over actor. Best line while he is about to be shot on the airplane [in a deep, dramatic voice] “is this what you do to people who fly coach?”  Haaaaaaaa.  Good one John Black if that is your REAL name.)  Supernanny (What is the point in spanking??  My answer is…  I’m tired and don’t feel like guiding your butt to bed 65 times tonight) and for Gosh Sakes Say YES to the Dress!
Oh man, I have to watch hours of Dr. Phil just to get all of this nonsense out of my head!

Basically this weekend I had enough of feeling terrible.  I woke up and turned this off-

  And turned this off-

And I fixed a healthy salad. 

(I almost gave up then and there because a piece of avocado flew up and hit me in the eye.  My left eye started to swell immediately.  If I had ate a burger and fries, would this have happened??)

Then I read this…

Then I collected this…

And this…

And this…..(allergy season is giving me a fit).

And we went for a great walk in this beautiful weather. 

Being the very WONDERFUL and OBSERVANT mother that I am, it was at least 20 minutes before I realized Carlee wasn't enjoying the scenery as much as we were.  

(Though she didn't really seem to mind, I did fix her hat.)

Connor and I had a great conversation..such as ‘why is your butt so big?’, ‘why are chopped up drugs bad for you?’, and ‘why do people have to get old?’  Such insightful conversation.  

I had to use some self-control not to grab the chips or the remote or computer, after all it is mindless entertainment.   I found a healthy lunch, time with God, the outdoors, and exercise really renewed and refreshed me.   I am going to make a true effort to include these things more daily……that is unless....... a Real World Marathon comes on 
(just kidding).

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Happy Easter

It’s Easter morning and Carlee gave me a bit of a challenge last night and so did Connor.  I think I caught about four hours of sleep last night.  This morning, I am sleepwalking, Easter baskets have been discovered, and Connor is enjoying a breakfast of a chocolate bunny ear and an airhead candy.  (It might be a long day).   Even sleep deprived, I do love Easter!  Soon we will get ready to go to church in our dressy outfits, have an egg hunt, lunch with cousins and family, and it looks like we will enjoy this beautiful day! 

This is the first time that we have missed sunrise service in a while.  That is usually my favorite service of the year because I am reminded of the True Meaning of Easter as the sun breaks over the horizon.   It is a beautiful time to remember that ‘Jesus Christ our Lord was shown to be the Son of God when God powerfully raised him from the dead by means of the Holy Spirit.’ Romans 1:4. 

This is such a beautiful time when Spring is settling, and little girls wear hats and white gloves and little boys wear suits and ties.  It puts me in a good mood.  But, Easter is also a sad time when I think of all the events that happened before Christ was resurrected.  I often wonder why Jesus had to be so brutally killed?  Why did it have to last so long?  Why did He have to be criticized, abused, scared, hurt in front of all of his family and friends?  Everyone suffered.   And, when the dust settled as He was hanging on the Cross, He had to take all of our Sin….the shame, the bitterness, the hurt on a man that had never experienced sin.  Why did it have to be that way?

He was the Son of God….Couldn’t it have been easier to just wave a miracle and plant a garden in our name?  Why not just agree that we would be Forgiven and Saved?  Why not something easy?  But the thing is, it wasn’t easy, it was the ultimate sacrifice the sacrifice of God’s Son.  Could you imagine watching your innocent child suffer through anything so horrible for someone else?  Had He did anything else we wouldn’t even begin to understand the love He had for us, the sacrifice, the Gift He gave….. and I don’t think we could ever truly understand it anyway.  “In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace.”  Ephesians 1:7
As we know, there was a beautiful miracle “The angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples: 'He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.' Now I have told you."   Matthew 28
I wish you all a Happy Easter and I hope you enjoy this beautiful day knowing that although we are undeserving… no matter who you are, where you are from, what you do… can accept His gifts.  He is Alive and We are Forgiven.  We are Loved.  Our Needs are Provided.  Our Worry is taken away.  We are Blessed.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Then and Now

This past Sunday I had a special treat.  I got to go on a Girls’ Outing to the movies!  Yahoooo.  Darren watched the baby, and my friends at church watched Connor.  I met my friends J. and S. at the movie theater for the new Hunger Games movie.  It is the little things that excite me these days.  Not only did I have a good time, I went a little CrAzY…I paid 9.00 and a Vile of Blood for some Goobers candy and a medium Slushy (the checkbook Nazi was not happy).

I give the movie two thumbs up.  I thought the casting was awesome. When I was reading the book I really visualized the Capital and Katniss the way it was portrayed in the movie (which is rare after I read a book/movie).  I adore a true female hero.  BTW- A true female hero is not one that pines for a vampire and devotes her eternal life at age 17.  Katniss Everdeen is a girl determined, fearless, a survivalist, and is a mean shot with a bow and arrow!  (And, she wears a stylish braid.) 

I was happy to get ready and get out of the house for a while.  As I was getting ready I reflected on how different I prepare for a Girls’ Outing these days. 

For Example:
1.    Then:   I leave the house at 11:00pm.

Now:  I leave at 1:00 pm.  

2.     Then:  I use these products to get ready.

Now:  I use these products to get ready (note the nursing pads, cover the gray, Oil of Olay, do I have time to brush my teeth?  do you get the UNglamorous picture here...).

3.    Then:  I drive this to go cruising (yep I drove a pink car, how I LOVED it).

Now:  I drive this and say ‘Geez have you saw gas prices? What are we pouring into our cars, liquid gold?’

4.     Then:  I put on a cute, coordinated outfit.

Now:  I put on an outfit that provides coverage of any lumps, bumps, and I try to make sure it is clean! (this requires 10 costume changes)

5.     Then:  I listen to this.

N Now:  I listen to this (Actually, I think the Kidz Bops is edgier than what I use to like.)

6.     Then:  Fun Times of Past

Now:   Would Not Trade It for Anything :) Who Would?