Freak Out

We had just come in from dinner and shopping.  

It was a nice night. 

Everyone behaved and the meal was really good.

We were putting our stuff away when I hear a little cough.

I turn around and see that Carlee is bright red.  

She has stopped coughing.  
I yell.
I think she is choking!

Connor starts screaming.  Help her. Help her.

I start screaming for Darren.
I grab her.

I grab the phone for 911.

Darren runs down the steps.

He sees her and takes her, he turns her, and he pounds her back.

Connor starts to freak out.

I start to freak out way worse.

I'm yelling at Darren- what do I do? what is happening? she is choking!  I'm calling 911!

I sense Darren is concerned but he is calm.
He is quiet.

He tells me not to call because she begins to throw up.

I put my hand way back in her throat and I can’t feel anything.

My hands are shaking.  

I try to remember all that I learned about CPR.  

I have had CPR training for four years through work.

What the heck is wrong with me.

I start to cry.
Connor starts to scream.
Darren is now dealing with 
1. choking baby
2. frantic mother
3. worried son
He tells us all that Carlee is fine.
She isn't FINE!  
Darren remains calm and continues to pound her back.

She throws up more and more...

and finally she throws this up-

Carlee starts to cry. 
Her face is white. 

She can breathe.

I sit in the floor and cry.

Connor starts to laugh because she is ok and he is relieved.  

He tells me to stop crying.

I get up and yell at the whole family that we have to be diligent about cleaning up!!! 

and that could have been plastic sucked over her esophagus!!! 

and that I need to throw everything away!!! 

and that this house is too small!!!

Connor says it isn't his fault.

We both confirm that it isn't his fault.
We know he was very worried.

I start to mop up the mess on the floor vigorously.

I clean when I'm upset.

Darren tells me to calm down, 

and to sit down, 

and that every kid can get into things.

If he had not been home, I don’t know what would have happened, but one thing is clear....

mom FREAKS OUT under pressure.
and Dad is the hero.

10 minutes later...
unknowingly she just took 5 years off my life...
but I still gave her some of her favorite juice.