Friday, January 25, 2013

The Purpose Driven Life(time for Women Movie) Tips

My mind is numb.  I have literally watched hours of Lifetime for Women movies.  With titles similar to Deceived, Cheater, They Wouldn’t Listen, No One Heard, Disappeared, Pregnant and Alone.....  I’ve been fascinated!  I have to Wikipedia all the stories to see if they are really true.  I’m not sure where my kids are right now but I can't get off the couch.  Some people would say that I am not using my time wisely but I disagree.  I have learned 15 very valuable life tips already.  I’m ready for a new way of looking at life.  
Join me-

The Purpose Driven Life(time for Women Movie) Tips

1.  Don’t let a little thing like a psychotic breakdown slow you down.  So what if your talking to someone who isn’t there...or you think that man loves you who actually never speaks to you...or perhaps you want revenge on your neighbor because he looks like your twin sister’s ex???  
Just keep on keepin’ on......we all have issues.

2.  Your husband may be chasing you down, getting ready to beat the snot out of you again, or kidnap your children...but please make sure your hair is styled, your makeup is ready, and your high heeled shoes are rockin’ because you are getting ready to meet the other man of your dreams and a love scene is coming up (but please check #10 first).

3.  If you think your home is getting broke into, make sure you DON'T check it out in nothing but a thin, lacy nightgown even if it adds to the suspense and bravery.

4.  Protest makes a difference.  Even though you live in a small town you can easily assemble 100,000 people who have the same cause you have.  Just be prepared to get the words “Leave Hooker” spray painted across your house.

5.  Men who don't understand the word NO for an answer, will understand a hard kick between the legs.

6.  Things will not change in your life until you are down to your last dollar.   You can take that dollar and pay a lawyer, start a business, put up an ad in the paper...your options are endless and it will change your life.

7.  If you seek help-the authorities will assume you are nothing more than a “nagging woman" and they won’t help you, therefore you must immediately learn to shoot a bazooka and get trained in Taekwondo so that you may take care of business.

8.  Warning- if your teenager’s school uniform is suddenly tied at the navel-  prepare for a wild ride of lies, stealing, hitting, drinking and a very, very, very bad boyfriend.

9.  UNDER NO CONDITION should you hire a good looking nanny.
(see #8 pic)

10.  Hey its OK if you find the Psychotic Killer to be a little hot.  He always has a nice suit, a nice haircut, and has lots of charm which is more than we can say about most people but don't give could mean a little trouble down the road for you.

11.  That mousy girl that is scared of everyone at the office will be the hero, so don’t be a jerk.

12.  Changing laws is really hard, your better off changing your hairstyle.

13.  Learning to drive like a maniac can only help you in life.  You never know when you are going to be in a high speed chase for your life.

14.  Don't text underage kids unless they are your own.

15.  Your happy ending is just two hours away, so don’t give up!

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