Happy Birthday J!!!

Happy Birthday J.!!!

This is one of my oldest friends.
Not as in age old (heavens no, we don't go old, we go blond).
As in...we have been together as friends for a long time.
If I ever win the lottery this woman is getting her share.
When I had no place to live, no driver's license, no life experience,
when I felt I had few friends...
she was there.
She took me right in.
She was a single mother, who cleared out the breakfast nook and placed a bed right in the kitchen.
She cleaned out the back laundry room and made a place for my stuff.
And that is where I lived for nearly three years.
She helped teach me to drive (sorry J. but the world has to know where I get it from).
I didn't know you had to change the oil in a car.
She drove all the way to the community college ....with oil.
I didn't know how to balance a checkbook.
So when I got a letter to go straight to court due to so many bounced checks, 
she called in a favor where I could pay it off without prison.
When I parked my car where a half inch of my bumper was in a NO PARKING curb, a very mean couple had my car towed.
She called that mean couple and totally lied and said she was my sister and that I was starving and that they should be ASHAMED!!! (I was never starving).
She somehow kept me from getting fired.  
I have a little temper.
For example, when I told costumers they were acting like total dip wads and that they could go shop at Walmart, they could shove Walmart up their you know what for all I cared....
she dealt with the phone calls.
She attended church without fail.
She has a strong faith.
When my mom didn't show for the mother-daughter tea
....she dropped everything she was doing and took the time to go (even though all of the food looked really weird).
She got me out of my first speeding ticket and it was changed to
Faulty Equipment...clas-sic.
She joked she was my lawyer in her black jeans when I had to go pay off my tickets.
She cheered at my college graduation.
We have dyed our hair more times than Cher.
One time she dyed my hair Ronald McDonald orange.
I could have killed her....
But then I got a lot of attention so it was OK.
I didn't know that if the wires were showing through tires, it means a car doesn't pass inspection.
Thanks for calling all the locals to find me affordable tires.
I had to show her that leopard does NOT go with everything, and sometimes yellow knee boots don't have to be paired with purple silk pants. (say it with me...less is more)
She told off any boy who said they were going to call and DIDN'T.
She has a flair for color, hats, and makeup.
We both could get lost circling the local mall.
We can make going to a funeral home fun (except for maybe our own).
She has always encouraged my sassy behavior.
She makes a mean Red Velvet Cake.
She lets me eat the whole cake without judgement.
I had to teach her that when a man says he is an "artist" that means UNEMPLOYED... move on sista.
She has a great daughter.

J. , her daughter, me

She is loving, kind, and giving to a fault.
She is beautiful.
She was my Maid of Honor.
She celebrated the birth of each of my children.
She has come to all of their events.
She takes Carlee's picture every month.

Things were not perfect growing up, 
but God took care of me and gave me a true friend and sister.
You are more than a friend to me J.
Your family! 

Happy Birthday!!!
By the way, this might be a good time to mention I don't have money to give you a birthday present this year because I blew it on Scooby Doo Musical Tickets.
I know you understand my sacrifice...
A MUSICAL FOR GOSH SAKES!?!
That is why I love you!