Monday, September 3, 2012

Why "Health" Magazines Annoy

I've been working really hard this school year at slow, steady weight loss.  No gimmicks for me, I'm done.  This weight loss is slow...often 1 pound a week.  I know from hard lessons learned that fast weight loss and/or weight loss with a gimmick comes back.  In addition to breaking my addictions with stress eating, I am also trying to break my addiction to the purchase of weight loss texts.  

I remember the first time a family member  called me "big"-  I was in fifth grade and thought I was the fattest girl on earth.  (Of course looking back on it, that family member was probably talking about my growth spurt.)  Being the sensitive and insecure girl I was, I promptly weighed myself (72 pounds) and looked through my mom's Good Housekeeping magazines to find the perfect diet and exercise plan with hopes of looking like Cherly Tiegs.  I chose a diet/exercise plan, but I was soon discovered after I broke the box fan in my room.  I had slapped my feet into the fan while attempting the jumps/exercises detailed in the magazine (I never was graceful) and my mom was ticked. 

I think that is when my addiction began of later buying anything with a glossy, thin model promising one to look the same way in quick three steps.  I have spent money and years reading diet books/magazines that promises the newest and greatest thing... "Flat Abs in 5 Minutes", "Eat What You Want And STILL Look Great!", "Lazy Girl's Diet", etc.   

It took a while ( about 20 years) for me to finally realize that the promotion and marketing of diet magazines and books are for suckers like me....who will fail every time and then look for another quick fix and beautiful picture (that will fail again).  An example of this, was in a recent article posted online from Women's Health Magazine where model/actress Marissa Miller shares her "get thin diet secrets".  

Please follow a few of the tips below to look like this..

Actress/ Swimsuit Model Marissa Miller

1.  Eat Naked

Sounds kooky, but she has a point: "Eating smart is all about having an awareness of your body. The most obvious way to do that is by seeing it. So when you're trying to lose weight, spend more time wearing less. I don't think I could eat a plate of nachos naked--could you?"
(actually Marissa I COULD eat a plate of nachos naked, as well as, a box of twinkies, and a pint of ice cream.  Its the people watching me that might lose their appetite, but kudos on this method working for someone else.)

2.  Prep Ahead of Time
"I'll cook a batch of brown rice or quinoa and keep it in the fridge, so when I get hungry, I can easily dress it up with olive oil, lemon, and salt and pepper, and then add veggies," says Marisa, who often has zucchini and spinach.
(So you have a work deadline, a child with a bleeding cut, a baby who needs immediate attention, health insurance on the phone, pay day tomorrow, you have nothing clean to wear to church tonight...but your starvinggggg.  Aren't you glad you have that delicious pre-made bowl of brown rice...yummy.  Then you can cut up that fresh zucchini and mix it in with that lemon and oil mixture, mmmm.  Next, (in dreamland) you can sit at the table with a rose and enjoy every bite!)

Practice Portion Control

"I usually say no to the bad things at Whole Foods, but then I get to the register, where they have individually wrapped chocolates. I'll grab five and keep them at home. If I need something sweet, I've got it!" she says.
(Judging from the way you look Marissa those five chocolates you "grabbed" will be your breakfast, lunch, and dinner...for the week!!!  I would like to learn portion control for people who eat from people who eat.)

Make Smart Swaps

Marisa has found healthier alternatives to fattening foods. Instead of potato chips, she munches on organic Rhythm Superfoods Kool Ranch Kale Chips. And she mixes tuna with Wildwood garlic aioli instead of mayo. She also whips up leaner versions of Griffin's high-fat favorites--such as a BLT made with an Ezekiel English muffin, organic tomatoes, avocado, lettuce, and turkey bacon.
(Thank you in advance Women's Health for such practical tips for smart swaps.  I'm craving a can of sour cream and onion potato chips for .89 cents...but instead I think I'll run down to the Health Food store and grab myself a delicious two ounce bag of seaweed, wild forest, amazon salted, Tabasco flavored, aioli chips for 5.99. Then I will run home and "whip up" some all natural, rain forest, organic humus, vegetable paste to dip them in! easy, breezy)

Keep Your Hands Off His Junk Food

"When I first met Griffin, I gained 10 pounds! When you are falling in love, all you do is make out and eat!" says Marisa. Now she has learned to indulge judiciously. "When I do have one of his favorites, like soda or cake, I look at it as a treat and enjoy it. Because I eat well 90 percent of the time, I don't feel guilty."
( Sure Marissa, I bet your boyfriend is laying around the house with a beer gut, pigging out on junk food.  I think my definition of "junk food" and yours is different.  Perhaps you mean "keep your hands off his rock star chewing gum but his drugs are OK because they keep you thin".  Besides Marissa you " eat well 90 percent of the time..." so indulge a little! (though I suspect you meant to say you don't eat 90 percent of the time.)  

The point is ladies and gents...don't fall for the crap.  Most people featured on these covers are young, plastic, and provided with every convenience.  We also don't see that they have to commit themselves to health/dieting as a full time job to look almost unrealistic and to make us feel like crud!  
I healthy, put on your flashiest outfit, cut that piece of pie, enjoy every bite, and don't look back! 

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