Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Pretty as a $300.00 Picture

This week I was searching in my closets for a book, and I ran across three hysterical pictures of myself.  The theme of this week seems to be money (or the lack of it) at my house, so it was funny that these pictures reminded me of the worst financial decision I had ever made in my life.  
When I was around 18 or 19, I was solely responsible for my own money management, bills, and decisions.  I learned a lot about spending.  The first check I ever earned, I couldn't wait to spend it on me.  I wanted to get Glamour Shots photos.  (It was a lifelong dream.)

I remembered being so excited about my appointment because I had wanted to have these "glamour" pictures taken since I was ten years old.  I was expecting to be treated like a fashion "glamour" model.  Instead, I was treated like the girl that I was- a sucker.
It ended up being a terrible experience.  I looked like Dustin Hoffman in Tootsie- and this was around 1999 not 1985. 

The makeup and hair looked so bad to me then, and I still remember the woman trying to convince me to wear a sparkly bra with a denim vest.  After the terrible pictures were taken, this wicked woman told me the "package deal" would be $300.00!!  That was my whole check.  
I thought that was the cost.  I had no idea I could get a cheaper package.  I thought I had to pay or go to jail.  
I did not know of such things, and I was totally scammed.
I cried all the way home, with about 500 "glamour" pictures in the back seat, wondering how I was going to pay my bills.
A terrible lesson I learned that day.
I guess it serves me right for trying to spend money on pictures of myself.
(I can't make this stuff up.)

So here is the reveal (warning embarrassment ahead).  I think there were other poses of me with a cowboy hat and a high ponytail, but I may have burned those poses.

$300.00 Pose #1:
The Tango
It could be worse, they could have made me pose with the rose between my teeth with my gold gloves clapping above my head.
This is totally natural.  I have a ton of gold, star covered, sheer wraps in my closet right now.
To be fair- the hairspray probably cost about $250.00 in order to hold that helmet.  I look like I could walk onto the set of Grease.

$300.00 Pose #2:
The Gunsmoke
I look like Miss Kitty getting ready to walk into the saloon, slam a tune down on the piano with one hand, and guzzle a pint in another.  I'm not sure why the pearls are backwards, but I do remember that the gaudy clip-on earrings hurt like heck.  My bangs looked like they were styled with the barrel of a gun from gunsmoke.

$300.00 Pose #3:
Pretty Woman
as in the street walker.
I guess caked on makeup (purple eyeliner), purple fur, and a glitter, (plastic) halter could be classy with those backwards pearls, but without pearls it screams $19.95 massage at Vegas.

I hope you got my ($300.00) money's worth with these Glamorous Photos.
My first and last debut of being a starving model.

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