3 Bad (but Entertaining) Ideas for the Weekend

I think my pregnancy energy is finally running out.  I was so tired this week and weekend, but I have a newborn child sharing my body, so I think it makes sense.  I just hope Carlee is OK with a Dr. Pepper and candy bar coming her way occasionally.  The Carlee count down has begun.  I’m excited, I’m scared, I’m excited, I’m scared…..there is so much to worry about and think about and do…my mind goes between I’m ready, I AM NOT ready.  I worked nonstop last week on school work, so I was able to rest a little more these past few days.   I did have a few adventures this weekend, but PLEASE don’t try this at home.

1.      Making Chocolates for Carlee’s Baby Shower

My friend J. and I had the perfect idea for Party Favors- easy to make chocolate candies.  You just purchase the 'melt in the microwave' chocolate, the squirt bottles, and the plastic trays and WHALA!  You pop out the candy for little party favors.  We eagerly bought .99 trays with butterflies, caterpillars, and flowers to go along with the “Growing Garden” theme.  We chattered about how we might start our own party favor business one day.  We were brilliant!  

Saturday morning I think I anticipated taking maybe an hour and a half.  BAD IDEA.  Fast forward, several hours later, melted trays, chocolate candy everywhere, and a total of two molds set.  10 down and 140 more to go!  My kitchen looked like we were making a 7 course meal and all we were using was the microwave.  What were we thinking?? The chocolate was clumpy, lumpy, and it was taking a year to squirt out one flower.  J. told me chocolate making takes  1. TIME  and 2. PATIENCE . WHAT!?!  Those are the two things I am the WORST at.  There was no way I could do this.  We agreed to go to the local WALMART and throw down a 20 on some pink Valentine’s Day candy and baby shower mints.  Guess what??  It turned out really pretty!  Connor even got in on the action.  I think it took us 30 minutes to create 75 party favor bags.  That is my kind of time.  We are just so thankful it wasn’t a different holiday like Halloween or St. Patrick’s Day (because don’t think for a minute I wouldn’t have thrown in some orange,licorice pumpkins or green, marshmallow Leprechauns in those baby shower bags).

2.      Hair Mousse the Gray Away

I got my hair done, or as the young folks say ‘Got my hair did’, Friday afternoon.  It looked so much better but all I could focus on was the GRAY!  No, I am NOT exaggerating.  My vanity completely took over.  LOOK at ALLL that Gray I whined.  The hairdresser agreed I was much too young to have all that gray hair.  Note….if you are a hairdresser don’t agree with me, jeez, the next thing you will be telling me I need to lose a few pounds.  Anyway, she suggested a non-permanent, EASY, Hair Foam/Mousse that you can purchase at the beauty shop that is much healthier for pregnant women and covers gray.  I tried it about an hour before I was to join the sunday school class women for a fun night out to dinner.  BAD IDEA.  (Below is a picture of what I looked like.)  The thick, EASY, mousse turned into a runny, messy, sloppy black mess that stained my floor, my hands, and my forehead.  It also left my hair feeling like a Brillo Pad.  I rubbed my skin off with a wash cloth and 409 cleaner (it’s the only thing I had) and put my hair in a clip, but my skin was two-tone for a while. (I probably should have just stuck with my regular hair dye routine).

This isn't me, but a reenactment pic.

3.     Building a Bridge (but forgetting how it works)

I had children’s church today.  Simple  idea I had was to make a bridge with a piece of paper.  Therefore, I bended, folded, and shaped it to hold up a match box car.  We have to allow God to bend, mold, and shape us.  It worked perfect last night.  This morning, in church, this is what it kept doing.    BAD IDEA or BAD execution.

fail

Whyyyyy won’t it hold up the car?  The kids were  on to me….what the crap are you doing!?! Let’s just say, I forgot a small part…turn the paper in a different direction.  I mean how am I supposed to remember all these complex details? Turn the paper.

better

 

I tried to redeem my self later, but I’m not sure I did.  It’s OK, I poured them all a red soda drink after the story. (see my white shirt, another great idea).

Yes, all of the above were very BAD ideas, but you don’t know they are bad until you try them.  I can honestly say, I wouldn’t have it any other way because all three situations were really funny and life is too short to get it right all the time (perfect people are so totally boring).

Let's (not) Talk About S-R-X.

Back to work this week!  Good-bye Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year.... and hello long boring months of being broke and cold.  Actually for me, it is a countdown because it looks like baby Carlee will be arriving around early March, which means I better kick butt to get all things wrapped up at work.  I'm huge, I literally feel like the Marshmallow Man attacking the town in Ghostbusters. 

 I nearly knocked down two kids with my girth this week.   To Mamas it doesn’t matter about the pregnancy because we love our babies from day one, stretch marks and all!

This morning I praised God for things that seem to be coming together, baby shower plans are made, my sick leave collected, the nursery is put together (thanks to my very good husband), we have all been healthy, and  Connor is reading more and he stayed on green light this week (i.e. Good behavior), and I cleaned the house.  It’s as if I have the Good Mother Badge this week. 

Things were going well, beautiful day, Friday afternoon, Connor and I are walking to the car at the end of the school day, and this is how the conversation went:

C.: Whatever you do don’t say S-R-X mom.

Me: What does S-R-X mean?

C: You know S-R-X, spells Sex.

WHAMO. My heart starts beating at a very quick rate.

Me: (cough) Do you know what that word means?

C: It means that two people go to bed and kiss all over each other.

DOUBLE WHAMO!! 

Me: Where on earth did you hear that!?!?  (My voice is two octaves way too high).  Did you hear that at school??  Where did you hear that??

C: Don’t be mad.  I saw Hot Girls on TV. 

Me: WHAT!?!   (I probably sounded like Peewee Herman on Helium)

C:  I saw it on a video game and my friend’s Facebook.

Me: WHAT!?!   We don’t even own video games!?!  You don’t have a friend with Facebook.

C: I just heard it.  Don’t tell dad.

6 YEARS OLD!!!!!!!!  In two seconds, my son had just summed up the problem with America:

People who can’t even spell  S-R-X already know  how to get the process started.

Oh MAN, How do I handle this?  (Salt N Pepa made it look so easy)

My options:

a.        Repeat what would happen in my house as a youth where I get the crap beat out of me and told never to say that again or I would pay.

b.       Be a cool mom and talk about the birds and the bees and free love and open communication about S-R-X.  (Since my whole stance is DON’T EVEN THINK IT, this option isn’t going to work.)

c.       Wing it.

I figured out that C. didn’t have any more information about S-R-X (thank Goodness), and he had pieced together some things he saw on commercials with talk from an older child.  Like a moth to a flame, that is my Connor to inappropriate content. ( GeeZ, this whole parenting thing is hard.)  His teacher , mother, and father repeat concepts day in and day out he can’t catch nearly as quickly as a two-minute segment of two people making out and two boys talking.  Even though our TV watching is truly rated G, I have figured all it takes is one overheard segment on Entertainment Television, reality TV, or even some Disney Channel content….and one can learn a lot more than one needs to know.  Most kids don’t pay attention, but lucky ME I get a strong willed child who gravitates toward the inappropriate.

I did tell his dad after all, really because I wanted him to share in my agony.... and he did.  We have already set C. down and talked to him about good talk (monster trucks, dogs, etc.) and bad talk (S-R-X, bad words, sassy language) and what happens when you bad talk and what happens if we find out about it (see option A above) and so forth, etc., etc..

So basically this is how my weekend has started.  I officially lost the Good Mother Badge hours ago, but I didn’t think it would last too long.  I guess I’ll get up, drink my coffee, and try this whole parenting thing again in the morning.

For the rest of you, have a good weekend and remember-  No S-R-X, is Safe S-R-X!

besides you don't want to look like this

New Year 2012

It’s 2012!  Happy New Year Everyone!!

For me 2011 brought…..

-C. starting kindergarten

-me entering my 10^th year as a teacher

-celebrating nine years of marriage

-finding out we were +1 more in the S. family

-starting this blog

I think it has been a great year, and I continue to be inspired by so many around me that have dealt with sickness, financial strain, and loss; but they continue to be resilient and profess their joy and faith daily!

I am most definitely a goal setter. So this year my New Year’s Resolutions include:

1.  Eat Healthier (I never quite achieve this one…the effort it takes to make good choices takes time and energy that I can never accomplish, see goal #2)

2. Understand Limitations.  I always agree to take on what I view as small responsibilities that add up to large amounts of stress.  I always go above and beyond on projects instead of creating balance for myself.

3.Devote more time in scripture/ prayer weekly.  Less media time.

4.      Quit saying Bad Words. (ok before you think I’m Howard Stern, I just tend to use a few words when EXTREMELY frustrated and alone, but my goal is to substitute…maybe I can sing when I am extremely frustrated.  Also, bad words at our house include stupid, shut up, etc.  Besides its amazing how Connor seems to hear me two rooms away when he can otherwise never hear me).

It always looks so nice in a list, but with 2012 bringing so many changes for me (not to mention the Mayans may take over the world with the Scientologist or something) my list of Resolutions may change especially number 4 (I am just kidding, for you nonjokers).  Which brings me to my FINAL resolution…

5.Stop trying to control the situation and ‘cast my cares to the Lord’ (Psalm 55)

So those are my 5 resolutions that show that I am perfectly imperfect (as if you didn't know).  Would love to hear your resolutions for 2012…if you dare.

Meaning of a Name

What is in a name? Juliet told Romeo, ‘What's in a name? that which we call a rose, By any other name would smell as sweet’.  As we know Juliet wasn’t very smart.  What if a Rose were called a Thornbristle, Cactilestink, or Buttweed…would it be the flower of love, the flower that people use for Valentines Day, or the flowers most used in a wedding bouquet? Oh, honey thank you for these beautiful Buttweeds!  I'm not so sure. 

I love literature, but I detest Shakespeare.  I blame him for the reason I scored a very low B in English.  The teacher actually wrote on my exam paper (interpreting a Shakespeare poem), “you poor dear, you have no idea what Shakespeare is saying, no wonder you keep failing these tests”.  

 It might be important to say not only am I a very southern girl, I was into hip-hop during this stage in life, and I spoke a completely different language.

But the REAL point I am trying to make here is…it’s really hard to pick a NAME for an unborn child.  It was quite the challenge at our house.  Darren loved the names Valarie, Paige, and Reagan.  I ADORED Kennedy, Katherine aka. Katie, and Elizabeth.  Every time we brought up a name, we argued.  We are NOT one of those cute couples that had names picked out for our children before we married, we could barely pick out the washer and dryer.  Luckily we FINALLY agreed on a name we both liked…..drum roll please….

Carlee Anne

We wanted to find a family middle name that would work with Carlee, like C. Spencer (after his dad and uncle) but we could never think of anything.   I used a name after one of my favorite children’s books and it worked perfect.  As soon as we chose Anne, we realized Anne is actually a family name too….Anne is Aunt Julie’s middle name and Ann is Nena’s (my stepmother) middle name. 

Being a teacher, the meaning of the names weren’t as important to me as picking a name that didn’t evoke memories of someone else, wasn’t so hard to spell, too radical, too common, and too hard to sound out.  It turns out that Connor actually means…STRONG WILLED.  Can you believe that?  I should have named him something like Zola which means Peaceful and Quiet. Like Shakespeare would say it’s what something IS, not named, and no one with 50% of my genes is going to be peaceful and quiet.  Carlee means Strong Female Leader (we need one more of those at our house).

So there you go. We have a Connor and a Carlee and couldn’t be happier.  We have cleaned out the spare bedroom, painted walls, laid new carpet, and last night ordered the nursery furniture.  A few more months now, and my anticipation is growing; along with the rest of me. 

I’m only 5’2 so I only have one direction I can go...OUT…and I  think major organs are being shifted, breathing is awkward at night. Mr. Shakespeare would say, How poor are they who have not patience! What wound did ever heal but by degrees.   

I have no idea how that quote really applies to my blog, but all the 90s hip-hop lyrics I know are not appropriate, except maybe "cosmo says your fat, but I ain’t down with that…baby got back”.  Love Sir Mix a Lot, now that is a cool name!!!

Love and Christmas

Imagine being a woman getting ready to embark on one of the most exciting times of your life, planning to leave your family, planning a wedding, a life with your significant other, and officially becoming an adult!  Then, OUT OF THE BLUE, you get a message from an angel that YOU are officially pregnant with the Savior of the World!?!  You think people are judgmental today?   I can’t imagine the scandal stirred up by Little Mary of Biblical Times.  I know the scripture tells us that Mary had her own doubts initially, but I often wonder if her reaction was that of a sweet and obedient daughter or if she was more like me…..a questioner who tries to argue ones way out of God’s plan.   God how can you do this to me?  This is supposed to be one of the greatest celebrations of my life and you come, choose my destiny for me, and mess everything up!?! 

Sure, we know NOW that Mary was highly favored by God…but at the time would you think that?  The whole village had to think that she was a major hoochie mama, and her journey really was never easy.  She had to travel pregnant, was chased by the vicious government and leader King Herod (who had all boys killed under age 2/Massacre of Innocence), and had to give birth in what many scholars think was a barn.  There had to be MAJOR feelings of pain, fear, worry, and anxiety everywhere.  Again, I would have SERIOUS questions about this whole “plan”, and more than likely I would be expressing my issues every step of the way.  Are you trying to tell me God, that this is the place I am to deliver the King of the World? That we have to be in danger? That we can’t be comfortable?  Why can’t you just send your child here on a gold cloud, or make this journey easy and comfortable? (maybe eventually I would take a clue that God is in control and shut up)

Since becoming a mother myself, Mary’s story resonates with me, because I can understand how she must have felt in many ways and the significance of the people she relied on.  God gave her more than Angels.  To name a few:  Elizabeth- her relative and friend (who was pregnant with John the Baptist) who encouraged her and told her to trust the plan.  Joseph-  a good man who followed God’s will and Loved Mary and Jesus unconditionally.   The Magi- who tricked King Herod, continued their own grueling journey, and confirmed God’s plan.  The Sheppard: who helped guide and direct Mary and Joseph.  I will tell you this truth…we as parents need more than ourselves to raise children in this world; we need trusted good friends and family.   

I am certain any doubts Mary had was completely wiped out the second her precious little baby boy was born.  Yes, he was God’s son, but he was also her little boy…the same little boy who would take his first steps, say his first words, ‘I love you Mama’, He would get into mishaps, He would get excited over his birthday, make friends, and learn a trade.  Mary would also be there as his mother when he was criticized, ostracized, and eventually beaten and crucified….yes He did it all for His love for us but He was still her little boy.  The thought alone makes my heart ache, to think of the joys and pain that woman experienced….all the time doing the Will of God.   She was simple, but she was special.

 Mothers are special and our journeys are never easy no matter how much you complain (I’ve tried it), but I find prayer always helps.  Every year The Christmas Story (not the story where Ralphie's friend sticks his tongue to the flag pole), The REAL Christmas Story takes on a different meaning for me and leaves me appreciating the love that went into Christ's Birth.
I wish you all a Merry Christmas, enjoy your loved ones and pets…past and present, and remember the LOVE that made the True Christmas.

Christmas is from Heaven and Christmas Shopping is from Hell

One promise I would like to keep as a parent is to have Christ in Christmas and our home year round (and I don't mean if you say Happy Holidays).  I mean for us to understand that Christmas is a celebration of family, love, sacrifice; it’s the symbolic day we Celebrate the miracle that is Jesus Christ!  The problem is… every year I am sucked like a vortex into what Christmas IS NOT about... case in point CHRISTMAS SHOPPING.

7 more days until Christmas Shopping, and Darren and I found ourselves without having bought a single gift.   (Enter my hyper hysterics here).  The time has slipped through our Grinchy fingers.  Even the weather says November...not December.  Mother Nature is confusing me.  We finally agreed it would be tragic if Santa did not deliver the Matchbox Mega Rig Ship Shark Adventure because we forgot the down payment.  The thing is, to be productive; we have to find a BABYSITTER.  Have you ever tried to find a babysitter for Dennis the Menace? 

It can be a challenge.  Luckily, Meme got off work early and was able to host Connor for the night.  Therefore, at 5:30pm Darren and I went off to the BIG City to get some things done.  It started out very nice.  My husband and I had great conversation in the car, and had a very nice “sit down” meal, and I was really feeling relaxed and enjoying myself……………………………………………fast forward to 1:00am that SAME evening (aka morning), and all I can think about is punching my husband in the face (the poor guy).  To make matters worse, many things I had in mind was SOLD OUT.  How is a girl to know that The Christmas Story Lamp Ornament and that the black remote control Tarantula would be gone so fast!??  Think of Baby Jesus, Think of Baby Jesus.  Think of Baby Jesus.  The most "wonderful thing" *sarcasm* about Christmas Shopping……

·         The DISPLAYS sticking out everywhere.  Yes I knocked over a display of KY Jelly and had no option but to pick it up while everyone watched (and no one offered to help the pregnant woman pick up the KY Jelly).  Every time I would set one on the display four more would fall off!  Mental Picture-  Imagine a Sumo Wrestler in a Holiday Sweater trying to pick up KY Jelly (that was me).  Is that really a HOT item during the Holidays?? Never mind I asked.

·         The husband walks AWAY with the buggy to look at flat screen TVs, while I find items and pile them up in my short, stumpy arms looking for him while my back screams ‘Uncle’!!! 

·         The husband suggests a 5.00 gas card every time I need an idea for a family member.  (Nothing says I found the perfect gift like a 5.00 gas card that will give you a 2-minute ride in your car).

·         The husband reminds me that we are OVER BUDGET without actually choosing the gifts.   He later redeemed himself with a trip to Krispy Kreme.  In my mood, I almost chopped my doughnut up with a rusty spoon to snort it up my nose.

·         The RUDE people who shove you out of the way or push their buggy into your butt! 

·         The line that lasts 30 minutes only for your item to ring up double while you hold the line up for another 15 minutes while you huff ‘This is ridiculous; there is a HUGE bold print sign with the price!  This store needs to get its ACT together!!’ and the minimum wage sixteen year old gives you a look that says she can't wait for a smoke break because she deals with idiots all day.

Sadly, we were not done and had to go back out today and this time with Connor.  I gave a lecture in the car about the importance of GIVING and on the really BIG importance of online shopping.  We finished with a late lunch at the Blue Bird Diner.  Connor voluntarily spelled his own secret notes…dad hre (dad is hairy), dad pas gas (Dad passes gas), dad frg (dad likes frogs), and dad mom loves (dad and mom loves each other).  I have to say I was impressed with his spelling when five months ago he didn’t know all of his letter and sounds.  He also talked about Christmas and what he asked for, would we feed the reindeers, would we go over to see our cousins, and how long would he be out for school??  His constant laughter and chatter made me feel happy again. 

It's like the quote, “When we were children we were grateful to those who filled our stockings at Christmas time.  Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs?”  ~G.K. Chesterton
When we got home, Connor really wanted to help me wrap the presents, so I let him go at it….what is the big deal if the gifts look like this guy wrapped it? 

I leave you with my own Holiday Wisdom:  Keep Christmas in your Heart and Keep Your Butt out of Walmart.  God Bless You, One and All!

Let There be Peace on Earth and Most Importantly in MY MIND!

After Thanksgiving Break my belly was full of a lot of turkey and a little baby, and my mind was on slowly getting back into the swing of things.  I sooo enjoy my breaks throughout the year.  However, this week life went past Go to Jail and Collect 300.00 and went straight to CRAZY.

Recap of  my week:

 ·         Finally finished unpacking all Christmas Items at the house

·         Plan A:  Mrs. E. brings a Real Tree to school, have students decorate, and take a part of tradition they may not have at home.



It smelled so good.



·         Plan B- Having a real tree in school is a MAJOR fire hazard.  Under authority, we undecorate tree.  (I had to comfort Mrs. E. more than anyone.)  We  placed the REAL tree outside in front of our window and made birdseed/acorn decorations. Then we put up a crappy fake one on the inside of the room.  

We just hope the thing doesn't get stolen now. 

Something for the birdies.

·         Plan A- Follow up Connor’s doctor appointment about some ways to help his focus at school....focus aside... Dr. T thinks there might be something going on with C's ear.

·         Plan B- Go to the Ear Specialist the next day, because the doctor finds a foreign item in his ear.  (Have small bead removed from ear at the price of 81.00!!!!!)  Now if you can believe this I took the bead home to show Darren but dropped and lost it in my carpet.  I am an idiot.  I have already given Connor direct orders that if he finds it again he is to throw it away or risk my wrath!

One of these were found in Connor's left ear...we have no idea out it got there, but Connor mentioned he was trying to make an earring with a bead like it to be a wrestler on TV.

·         ANOTHER pair of pants don’t fit.  Geez, I’m going to cut a hole in a bed sheet and place it over my head with a fashionable belt!

·         District E.C. meeting (after school) where I present information from a conference attended (I wonder if my family would find chicken noodle soup from a can a good dinner?)

·         Student Evaluation and Parent meeting after school (frozen pizza for dinner)

·         Create and order Christmas Cards- they are so cute but will they get mailed out??

·         Husband insists on painting 2 rooms this week…..for connor and nursery (there is a lot of junk in the hall and it is driving me NUTS)

Connor picked out this color for his room- Carolina Panther Blue

No Name Baby's room....Sweet Pea Green (very light green, think garden with pink flowers)

Sweet Pea for Sweet Pea

·         Plan A:  Meet with my friend and brainstorm baby shower details, give her addresses and numbers

·         Plan B: Just chat with friend because I Lost ALL of my addresses, NOW working on calling, emailing, and looking for all addresses lost

·          Wacky Hat Night at Church (I remembered to plan for my sparks class and a wacky hat, but forgot to review the scripture with my son)

I am telling you I went to bed at 7:30 am Friday night and Connor must have felt my tiredness because he fell asleep right beside me on the couch (and this little dude stays awake until 11:00pm).

The anxiety just creeps all over me during weeks like this, I have no idea how I am going to take care of baby #2, I have visions of her sprouting beads in her hair due to a bead left in her ear unattended for years, or Connor throwing her across the room like a football because I fell asleep while standing!?!  I wonder if moms and dads and wives and husbands and sisters and brothers and friends would agree that it is the fear of the unknown that will drive you ‘panty hose over your head with a rifle in the shot tower’ insane.  It’s the…what if? How will? Can I??  that really screws up our heads.  I mean you can only self medicate with chocolate before you realize you are gaining enough weight to have your own TLC show.

My supportive friends try to tell me God will not give you more than you can handle and that you only take it day by day…but my spoiled overwhelmed side wants to stick my tongue out and say ‘what do you know!? I mean I just had a bead removed from my son’s ear, I currently have birdseed and peanut butter stuck all over the only blouse that fits, and I think I just lost my cell phone in the fridge again!!!  (But like I say that is my spoiled side talking).  The truth is so far everyone is standing, and things have worked out, and everyone got through it without scars, and most important my Father is Faithful and His words are true....

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
(Philippians 4:6-7)

I have way more to be thankful about than I have to complain about, but I still ask for prayers and if you want to throw in a good joke paired with a Nutty Butty I will be your SLAVE for life.  Thanks Friends!!!