Sunday, December 18, 2011

Christmas is from Heaven and Christmas Shopping is from Hell

One promise I would like to keep as a parent is to have Christ in Christmas and our home year round (and I don't mean if you say Happy Holidays).  I mean for us to understand that Christmas is a celebration of family, love, sacrifice; it’s the symbolic day we Celebrate the miracle that is Jesus Christ!  The problem is… every year I am sucked like a vortex into what Christmas IS NOT about... case in point CHRISTMAS SHOPPING.
7 more days until Christmas Shopping, and Darren and I found ourselves without having bought a single gift.   (Enter my hyper hysterics here).  The time has slipped through our Grinchy fingers.  Even the weather says November...not December.  Mother Nature is confusing me.  We finally agreed it would be tragic if Santa did not deliver the Matchbox Mega Rig Ship Shark Adventure because we forgot the down payment.  The thing is, to be productive; we have to find a BABYSITTER.  Have you ever tried to find a babysitter for Dennis the Menace? 

It can be a challenge.  Luckily, Meme got off work early and was able to host Connor for the night.  Therefore, at 5:30pm Darren and I went off to the BIG City to get some things done.  It started out very nice.  My husband and I had great conversation in the car, and had a very nice “sit down” meal, and I was really feeling relaxed and enjoying myself……………………………………………fast forward to 1:00am that SAME evening (aka morning), and all I can think about is punching my husband in the face (the poor guy).  To make matters worse, many things I had in mind was SOLD OUT.  How is a girl to know that The Christmas Story Lamp Ornament and that the black remote control Tarantula would be gone so fast!??  Think of Baby Jesus, Think of Baby Jesus.  Think of Baby Jesus.  The most "wonderful thing" *sarcasm* about Christmas Shopping……
·         The DISPLAYS sticking out everywhere.  Yes I knocked over a display of KY Jelly and had no option but to pick it up while everyone watched (and no one offered to help the pregnant woman pick up the KY Jelly).  Every time I would set one on the display four more would fall off!  Mental Picture-  Imagine a Sumo Wrestler in a Holiday Sweater trying to pick up KY Jelly (that was me).  Is that really a HOT item during the Holidays?? Never mind I asked.
·         The husband walks AWAY with the buggy to look at flat screen TVs, while I find items and pile them up in my short, stumpy arms looking for him while my back screams ‘Uncle’!!! 
·         The husband suggests a 5.00 gas card every time I need an idea for a family member.  (Nothing says I found the perfect gift like a 5.00 gas card that will give you a 2-minute ride in your car).
·         The husband reminds me that we are OVER BUDGET without actually choosing the gifts.   He later redeemed himself with a trip to Krispy Kreme.  In my mood, I almost chopped my doughnut up with a rusty spoon to snort it up my nose.
·         The RUDE people who shove you out of the way or push their buggy into your butt! 
·         The line that lasts 30 minutes only for your item to ring up double while you hold the line up for another 15 minutes while you huff ‘This is ridiculous; there is a HUGE bold print sign with the price!  This store needs to get its ACT together!!’ and the minimum wage sixteen year old gives you a look that says she can't wait for a smoke break because she deals with idiots all day.
Sadly, we were not done and had to go back out today and this time with Connor.  I gave a lecture in the car about the importance of GIVING and on the really BIG importance of online shopping.  We finished with a late lunch at the Blue Bird Diner.  Connor voluntarily spelled his own secret notes…dad hre (dad is hairy), dad pas gas (Dad passes gas), dad frg (dad likes frogs), and dad mom loves (dad and mom loves each other).  I have to say I was impressed with his spelling when five months ago he didn’t know all of his letter and sounds.  He also talked about Christmas and what he asked for, would we feed the reindeers, would we go over to see our cousins, and how long would he be out for school??  His constant laughter and chatter made me feel happy again. 

It's like the quote, “When we were children we were grateful to those who filled our stockings at Christmas time.  Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs?”  ~G.K. Chesterton
When we got home, Connor really wanted to help me wrap the presents, so I let him go at it….what is the big deal if the gifts look like this guy wrapped it? 

I leave you with my own Holiday Wisdom:  Keep Christmas in your Heart and Keep Your Butt out of Walmart.  God Bless You, One and All!

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