Tuesday, April 9, 2013

I WIsh I Were A Vampire

Today I wish I were a vampire.

Minus the whole dead and drinking blood thing.

Late at night, when I can’t sleep I’ve totally been reconnecting with my teenage side and watching The Vampire Diaries.  

Anyway, on the show, the very dreamy (but very bad vampire) Damon is always talking about turning off his humanity.  That way he doesn’t feel hurt.
I’m all like “don’t do that Damon, then you won’t feel the love Elena has for you!”  Yes, I’m saying this in my living room with a cookie and chocolate milk in my mid 30s (I know I’m pathetic).

Anyway (again) today I wish I could be like Damon and just cut off my humanity for a few min. No biggie.
I wish I didn’t care about the child that didn’t get dinner.
I wish I didn’t notice that look of hurt.
I wish I didn’t care about the elderly man in front of me, having so much trouble counting his change in line.
I wish I didn’t think so much about the mothers and fathers at Sandy Hook.
I wish I didn’t worry about people who worry about unemployment.
I wish I wasn’t a dreamer.  
I wish I wasn’t outspoken.
I wish I didn’t worry about Korea. Or nuclear bombs.
I wish I didn’t worry about the economy.
I wish I didn't worry about my parenting.
I wish I was controlled.
I wish I wasn’t feeling sorry for myself.
etc. etc. etc.

Now that may seem truly harsh but I’m truly exhausted.   Heaven help me if I ever have to work through a traumatic event.

How many times have people told me, “worry about yourself, because nobody else will.”  Is that true?  because I spend A LOT OF TIME worrying about other people.
So I don’t really want to be an evil vampire- even if VERY nice looking. Today I really wish I were not sensitive.  Being a sensitive thinker sucks vampire blood.  But being a passionate sensitive thinker bites everything.  (I really need to quit watching shows about vampires.)  
Sometimes it is just work.  
If I could cut off the humanity switch then I could walk into a meeting like Sharon Stone (except I would have underwear and dress slacks of course) and blow smoke right in the face of everyone and very cooly say “whatever".  Carefree and Cool.
I wish I could be like this- the legal version.

Or I could be like Michael Douglas and say “Greed is Good” and scoff at people who don’t agree.  I’m not cool.  Instead I’m like Bella after Edward left me.... a blubbery idiot. 
Sometimes to feel, means to worry, to worry can be exhausting.
That is why I don’t look like these young vampires. 

I would look like this kind of vampire.

So just for a few minutes, I would like to flip the switch, take the heart off the sleeve, and go with the flow in a cool and NON-emotional manner.
Until then, I’m off to drain a pound of tootsie rolls.  

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