Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Fallen Princess of Pinterest

My mother once described me as a 'bull in a china shop'.

I think it was a pretty accurate description.
To this day, I can’t even walk into a glass shop, because I know I’m going to accidentally knock into something (something that costs $900.00 no less).

I had dreams of being a dainty princess.  At six years old I discovered it was really hard to run through the house like a pirate with glass slippers heels on my feet.  I think my motor skills developed slowly...making me a drunk like- princess- bull- pirate.

I still love pretty things.  I love pink.  I love princesses.  I love crafty people.  
I love to watch people design, garden, make, sew.  I want to change who I am and be that woman.  Mother Earth!  Mother Creation!  Mother Thrifty!
Sadly, I’m more like- Mother "Let’s buy that at the store, its way easier”.

There was hope.  I heard about Pinterest.

Everyone raves about Pinterest!  You can make your own soap, you can get organized, you can find any recipe, you can design your whole wardrobe, you can create a robot house maid, etc. etc. etc.

I made an honest attempt.  I really did.  
Sadly, being the princess bull/pirate I am, I just don’t have the patience or the vision. 

The bottom line is- I have NO Pinterest talent.  I have come to terms.  I am the Fallen Princess of Pinterest.

Behold- My Pinterest Fails 
(WARNING- it isn’t pretty)

Example #1:
Water Painting- use Karo syrup and blue paint to create a wet look.
(It was perfect for my weather unit- for a rainy day painting.)

Did the directions say don't lay the children's papers on top of each other?
Even Dry.
You will NEVER get them apart.
Who remembered Karo Syrup was sticky?

#2:  Look at this cool motivation!
For every pound you lose, place a jewel in the glass.

 I used bottles and a sharpie and pennies (when Carlee was 3 months old)!
I was so motivated I haven't moved a penny yet, and not because I forgot.
 (Carlee is a year old, already).
I blame the bottles, they offered no motivation. 

#3:  Fourth of July Drink-

Orrrrrr everyday purple punch.
It looked like this in the pitcher.

#4:  Hey I know, let's make our own chocolate candy.


Really, I meant for my chocolate candy to look like dirt, impossible to mold into little flowers! 


#5:  There are so many cute baby pic. ideas.
It's the south!  Everyone loves football!  Everyone loves babies!
Who doesn't love a football baby picture?? 


Apparently my daughter doesn't like a football baby picture.

Maybe I'll hold off on framing this one for grams.

#6:  Party Treats for Carlee's Minnie Mouse Party.

Don't judge me.  
I couldn't find paper bows, or paper cups, or anything like that.   
I have to do things like shower people.
I just stuck in a straw with a sticker bow.

What is that you say?  
You don't know what that is in the pudding?
..then we are NOT friends anymore!


#7:  Let's have a Martha Stewart Easter with Swirly and Glittery Eggs!  Then I can put them in a basket and display them for company.

Or I can have a Redneck Easter with eggs that didn't turn out like anything regardless of my hard work, and then I can walk around all week like I don't wash my hands because the dye didn't come off.


#8:  Nothing says "tasty" like a  Jesus Calms the Storm snack.

Who has time to make those sail thingies , I had to cut a fruit roll up instead, and I also didn't have oranges.
 Besides, Jesus would ride in a very round boat!  He could make it work.

Radical.  Look at this neat 'Fairy in a Jar' Glowing Project.
The kids are going to love it, they are going to love me, I am going to amaze them.....

they are sooooo NOT impressed.


Finally an EASY Meatball Recipe.
Mine are always too dry.

I should have stuck with my recipe.
These are a touch MORE dry.

This pizza recipe looks good and HEALTHY!

I needed to add some more things like pepperoni, sauce, and cheese to make up for the lack of dough.

Snowman Creation for 
Snow Unit

Well kids,  I didn't say the snowman wouldn't look like a dying, melting, sad snowman did I??

Fast and easy ways to fold laundry.

Was it me or were those directions way more complicated that the old way of folding?

I love it.  Just what I need in my house.

BUT then I remembered I tried to do this in Connor's baby book.
This is real.
This is in his baby book.
I really tried to do this with a baby who wasn't sleeping.

The upside- I have not had these images tattooed on my body, but Pinterest has some great tattoo examples.

Cat in the Hat

My Version.
Mrs. L.'s looked way better.
Who am I kidding, 
my five year olds did better than this.

What a lovely piece of picture art.
It looks so easy to do.

No honey, I'm not redesigning the house.
I'm trying to create a picture frame art piece.
 I'm still working on it.
3 months later.

Look at this sweet picture of a girl and her flower necklace.

Just like this picture.
Sort of.
Where is that darn tape to hold these flower weeds together?


You know I could go on...but I think I have made my point.
I'm just sad.
Pinterest is not for the faint of heart.