All the Places We Go

One-week countdown until Carlee Anne arrives.  I’ve had the following questions/comments several times daily: do you feel miserable? (because you look it), when are you due again? (not long now), has she dropped? (you’re not going to make it), are you ready? (you better be, right?. Ha. Ha.)

True while I’ve had a very nice pregnancy and am still Blessed to be working…these last weeks have been a little rough.  The body becomes stretched to the max, feet swollen, outfits are limited, and those cute little movements turn into full-blown kicks that use your organs for exercise.  Say hello to your little best friend…the toilet (because the bladder is not your friend).

Tonight I am trying to 1. tie up loose ends  2. prepare for Read Across America Day at school.  I may have waited a little long to go to the breastfeeding class tonight offered by the local hospital.  1.  I’m not in the mood to be nice after 6pm and for two hours.  2.  My feet hurt and are the size of footballs.  Still it has been 6 years since I last nursed, and I felt I needed a refresher course (and I can be a procrastinator).

When I got information for the class, I swear they told me to go to the emergency room door entrance (I think I must have misunderstood).  As soon as I walk up the steps, a woman who looked like she smoked cigarettes for a living shouted ‘good Lawd your huge’ in a puff of smoke.   I made no eye contact and kept moving forward.  As soon as I walked in, I cleared the short emergency room line.  Are you in labor?  Are you experiencing pain?  Are you in labor!?!  A wheelchair was immediately pulled out for me.  OK people I get it, I’m HUGE, but NO I’m not in labor.  I’m not in labor.  The woman at the desk seemed a bit annoyed.  What are you doing here?  I’m here for the breastfeeding class.  The lady at the desk calls and tells someone over the phone, “I have a woman here looking for the breastfeeding class who looks like she is about to deliver right now’.  Click. Take a left down the hall, take a right, and you will be there.  You look miserable.  Gee thanks.  Not to be vain but at this point I’m not feeling so confident about the way I look.

The class was filled with couples who are having their first child.  I’m the only one who has been through this before.  I’m issued a nice little book and a baby doll that looks nothing like a real infant.  As we go through the process and all the tips I realize that some of the information out there for parents is helpful and useful, but some if it is just plain deceitful.  Allow me to rewrite some of the rules found in Breastfeeding: A Great Start.  

1.        Sleep when the baby sleeps.  Real Life Rules: do you know how a baby sleeps?  2pm, 6pm, 12am,  4am….if you are able to sporadically fall asleep instantly anytime you want and able to awaken refreshed..... then get off the drugs.

2.       Limit visitors at home.  Real Life Rules: Have you ever been to the South? Have you ever met a grandpa or grandma?  You can’t keep people away with a stun gun.

3.       Accept help from your partner, family, and friends.  Allow them to cook meals, clean house, and watch your other child.  Real Life Rules:  Ok, You had the baby for a while now, soooo  ummm...You can clean my house, cook my meals, and…watch Connor now.  Oh, you DONT want to do that. Ok then.

4.       Drink to satisfy thirst.  Real Life Rules:  Finally a good rule for mothers.  Oh wait...you don’t mean whisky do you?  Never mind then.

5.       The right mood is important for breastfeeding.  Keep the lights low and surround yourself with soft, soothing music.  Real Life Rules:  Does this count as soothing music?? 

If not, I’m out of luck.

6.       For a healthy lifestyle, try eating 3 small meals instead of 3 large meals.  Real Life Rules:  WOW Breastfeeding Book!  You just solved the world’s obesity problems.  Why didn’t I think of that?  What will you think of next….exercise to burn calories?!

7.       Make time for intimacy by talking to your partner, laughing, and sharing feelings about intimacy.  Real Life Rules:  Get away from me.  I just grew a human and I haven’t slept in a zillion weeks.

Just a few footnotes to help the new mothers.  (I’m not being hormonal at all.)

Nevertheless, who knows, maybe I’ll be just LIKE the woman on this book…rested, beautiful, thin, happy, and with a clean house! 

Until then, tomorrow I plan to take my pregnancy girth out on someone else….that’s right I plan to stretch out:   Mr. Cat in the Hat.

             It may not be fair to THE CAT, he will never be the same again, but sometimes you have to take one for the team Dr. Seuss!  Instead of the The 500 Hats of Bartholomew Cubbins it’s going to be 500 Pounds of Mrs. S. and Carlee!  Happy Birthday Dr. Seuss!

I’m not sure when I will get to blog again, big changes in the future, but I request all your prayers and have felt them every step of the way so far!  We are very excited!  In the words of Dr. Seuss…..“If things start happening, don't worry, don't stew, just go right along and you'll start happening too.”   Actually this quote better applies to me, “Being crazy isn't enough.”

With Love,
Big Mama