Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Midlife Crisis Alert

Five Signs I’m in the Middle of a Midlife Crisis: 

1.  Shopping for Teens 
I am teaching the teens in Sunday School this year.
I've never taught this age group,
and it shows.
To prepare for my class I went shopping for these:

and then these:

and then these: 

All for young teens to write down all the wonderful things the Bible says!

I spend $35.00, 
and brought it all back home.

Did you know teens have these fancy things now-

it has all that stuff built inside!?! and they can check their social network when I bore them.

Back in the day we had to use one of these in the school cafeteria

in order to get mom to bring our books, pens, and highlighters we left at home.  We didn't want to flunk English!
I won’t even talk about content.  
I struggled talking to teenagers when I was a TEENAGER.
We won't go there now, but God has placed me, and I shall learn.

2.  Teen Idols
Back in my day the teen pop stars sang about 
being alone. 
with a boy.  
and it was outrageous!

Girls who did things like this-

would pretty much be arrested or at least labeled the weird girl who hides alcohol in her Mountain Dew bottle.

Who makes out with a wrecking ball?
Further, it just looks cold and uncomfortable.
Not practical at all.

3.  Rewind & FF
Speaking of music, my son asked me what this was last week-

Of course, my daughter will ask me what this is one day.

4.  %^&* YOU MAN!  
Whenever I watch an adult rated movie or drama alone, I want to do this to all of the main characters-

I mean I know Sons of Anarchy is about a motorcycle gang.  I know they need to be really tough, and bad, and intimidating, and all of that... buttttttt  

I'm ok with a good “gosh darn it” every once in a while.  Do we really need to use such language!?!  And Gentlemen, why must we blow each other’s head off right away?  Haven’t you ever heard of conflict- resolution?

5.  Are you ready for this?  I wasn't.

My school ID picture-

Yes, my stylist is Old Maid in case you want to book her.

It looks like I stepped out of a deck of Old Maid cards!!!

I am sooooo trashing that jacket and eating more lettuce and going blonde!
I already have my outfit planned out for next year.  
Leather.  All Leather.

Teacher Tessie Cool Teach
-TT Cool T
(the fact I just wrote that takes any cool away doesn't it?)

I have no choice!  In my midlife crisis I'm going for something shiny, red, and cool.

But not this because I'm a very broke Teacher Tessie.

I'm going for these beauties-

to wear anytime I want,

when I vacuum and pick up legos.
See, I'm "totally" young and cool.

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