He looks like a baby sleeping. I take a few minutes to watch the soft rise and fall of his chest. His soft blond hair is stuck up. I wake him up for his first day of school. He stretches and squints his face and it takes me back to the days when he was just a few inches tall and laying in a bassinet. I just want to take him and rock him like a baby. Of course if he woke up he wouldn’t allow it. I give him a kiss on his sweet head. Then I see the 5 year old replace the baby. He yanks the covers over his head and tries to turn from me so he can sleep some more.
We finally get up and get dressed. He approves his new school outfit. One problem the shorts are way too big, so we change. He gives a grunt of protest because he really wanted to wear his new shorts. I tease and tell him if he plays on the playground they will fall and everyone will see his awesome underwear. He smiles and then climbs on my lap still sleepy. I just hug him because this may be the last year he climbs on my lap.
I am frantically searching for breakfast money and the camera. Can someone help me please!?!? I find the 200.00 camera on the deck. It no longer works because it was in the rain ALL NIGHT. My son is saved by the first day of school because otherwise I would KILL him (and he still may have to sell his toys on EBay now). His breakfast money is found under a towel. I take a breath. Dad gets up and tells him to have a great day and that he is proud of him. He asks dad, 'does mom have a mad face to you?' Dad says, 'nah, it’s happy'. We get in the car and say our prayers ‘Lord thank you for our Blessings, we pray Connor has a good day, and I pray he listens to his teachers.’ He says, ‘I’ll listen and I won’t hit. Are there bullies at your school?’ On the ride to school we talk about bullies and being kind to everyone. My heart aches because this is just too fast, but I’m proud that he is more ready than I thought he would be.
School:I walk down the very long hall. I’m having a hard time, but I will be strong. (We are talking about me, not the kid). He feels great! He has a new book bag, a new lunchbox, and new kicks! He is excited! I take him to his teachers and he says 'I’m so happy to be here'. Sweet. I take a picture and I leave. He ignores me because he is more excited to be in his classroom. I cry a little bit in my classroom, but then I feel a wave of nausea hit… which reminds me that I have one on the way....and with God's help we will be here again one day. This is lucky for my son because the way I’m feeling I want to throw a paci in his mouth and put him into a crib to slow the speed in which he is growing. I have to let go, and give my attention to the students in my room. Every hour I want to run down that hallway and press my face against the glass of the kindergarten door like a crazy girl.
|Can I come in?? I swear I'm a SANE parent.|
I'm strong. I stay away all day. I keep to teaching!
I was so happy to see his short little legs and chubby cheeks walking down the hall. How was your day!?!? He ignores me so I hold him down in my room. He keeps it brief, ‘Good. We had lunch, then outside time, then centers. I like centers. We read a story about a mommy raccoon who kissed a baby raccoon on the hand’. I know that is all I'm getting. We went home and when dad got home we all went out to eat our favorite- Mexican Food! At dinner out of the blue he confessed that he filled up his ENTIRE sticker chart without permission and that got him in trouble. I think he felt guilt out of all my gushing. I told him we all make mistakes, but to make sure we try our best to do better.
Really today was not just about my baby growing up, it was about me growing as a parent. It reminds me that God is Faithful. I also am reminded of a quote (something Buddha said), ‘Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.’
You know what... scratch that last part. REALLY what the heck does Buddha know?? Was he a mommy? If he was he would have said ‘go ahead and dwell on the past and eat a pound of chocolate…and then worry about the future! It’s all good!’